Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods Part Two COMMENTARY
by I Heart Thomas Brown
Summary: About 2 months ago, I was forcibly introduced to BelieverInChrist's crimes against Christianity, humanity, and everything. Then I decided to write a commentary for it. Join me as I read and commentate the fourth story, in which Jason takes the Romans on.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, how are you feeling today? I might as well ask you now, especially if you're… you know what, if you've been here before, you know the drill: I list off a bunch of subdivisions, say they will need politeness to help them get through this piece of crap, and in the end I get someone referring to me as a part of the human anatomy. If you haven't been here, and by here, I mean my commentaries of BelieverInChrist's "work", TURN BACK WHILE YOU STILL CAN!**

**I did not write this myself, all credit goes to Thomas Finnegan William Brown.**

* * *

><p>THOMAS: <strong>Hello, THOMAS. How's life in KANSAS with EBONY and your other possibly inbred RELATIVES? <strong>This has been co-written by me and my cousin Ebony Anne Brown. To all those that are concerned, my brother Noah **Oh, Noah? Yes, I would be concerned, except I already know what happened. **has left home to leave with one of my godless Uncle, curse ye name. **Don't curse your relatives, Tommy-boy. And if you have to, don't say "ye". **I must go on with a new co-writer, who has gotten better at correcting mistakes. So if you have come here to mock me of my mistakes, **I have, actually. **you will be surprised for there will be no spelling errors at on in this story. **Haha.**

EBONY: Yeah, you won't find any mistakes here. All the spelling mistakes were Noah fault. He allowed many of the spelling mistakes go through. Thomas is dyslexic so it was cruel. **Noah is dyslexic as well, isn't he? Why call him cruel? **Make things worse he caused some of the mistakes on purpose.** I can explain why- because it's mindlessly amusing, like watching a slinky fall down stairs or Corner Gas.**

**I hate that show… **

THOMAS: Thank-you for clearing that up. I want to explain what this story is. **Don't care, don't care, don't care…** In the first books **Books? God forbid these stories would ever be published in a book. **in this God inspired series, a group of **"**Christian**"** warriors were able to convert Camp Half-Blood to **"**Christianity**"**. With the help of Jerry, a **little brown mouse that always outwits a grey cat and gets some artificial-looking yellow cheese **fellow Christian that converted the camp to Christianity, Percy Jackson and his friends were able to defeat the evil Greek Gods. After this, Michael, a fellow Prayer Warrior, turned to Hogwarts, in which they were able to **not kill Grover every other chapter. It's true. **defeat the evil head master Dumbledore and freed England from the grips of witchcraft. After this, Percy Jackson and Jerry went to Communist Russia, which was under control of the evil John Lennon. After John Lennon **left his yellow submarine and went to live in Penny Lane with Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, and George Harrison to plant strawberry fields. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, life goes on. **was defeated by Jerry's wife Mary, Percy Jackson left to return to Camp Half Blood, leaving Jerry to deal with the evil Stalin, which story will be told in The Prayer Warriors: The Threat of Communism. And now the second part of The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods, where The Prayer Warriors faces their biggest challenge yet…. **Me. **THE EVIL ROMAN GODS!

**The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods Part Two**

A prayer to the one I truly believe in  
>The man that came to suffer our sin<br>This man is Jesus Christ, our saviour  
>For this he asks us of only one favour<br>And this is to convert to God and pray  
>He wants us all to follow his holy way<br>Amen

**Chapter One: Jason Converts to Christianity**

**How 'bout a spoiler alert next time, Tommy-boy?**

Jason woke up in a bush. **Been there, done that. **He didn't know why he was there. **I don't know why I'm here either, to tell you the truth. **He didn't even know who he was. **You're Jason. **He was just someone that was a stranger to himself. He noticed that he was holding a coin. On it was some scary looking image. Memory blank, he didn't know who that was either. He decided the first thing was to work out who he was.

"Hey you!" someone yelled. **Kids these days… no respect for the sleeping. **He decided to leave the bush and great the person yelling.** If I woke up unsure where I was and heard someone yelling at me, I'd stay in that bush.**

"Hullo?" he said puzzlingly. "Where are we?"

"**Narnia."**

"Camp Christ's Blood," **That is an awful, dreadful, terrible, appalling, and extremely anti-Christian name. **the person said. "We were called Camp Half-Blood, but since we've killed our original masters, who were really wicked, we have changed the name. Honestly, I really liked the new one and I want to forget its original name. Hi, my name is Annabeth."** Wait, didn't Annabeth die twice already?**

**Time Lords FTW.**

"Hello, Annabeth. Who are you again?" he asked her.** She's Annabeth. Pay attention, or I will snap my fingers uncomfortably close to your face.**

"I am Annabeth of Christ, and I am a Prayer Warrior. My boyfriend, who I am engaged to, **It's called a fiancé, dear. But if you object to foreign languages, "my intended", "my betrothed", or "future husband" works as well. **has disappeared and I am really distressful. **Yes, you are indeed distressfully OOC. **I really need your help. Has anybody passed you at any point?" she asked him wonderingly.

"**I've been lying in this effing bush all day. What the eff do you _THINK_?"**

"No, sorry," Jason replied to her, honestly. "I have just wakened up. **You can wakened up? I didn't know that was possible! **I don't know where I am or who I am. My** Immortal** memory is all gone! I need guidance?" **Clearly.**

She grasped. "So you have never heard of the holy word of Jesus Christ? Surely something as profound as that could be remembered even by the most forgetful of people?" Annabeth asked.

"No sorry. Who is Jesus Christ?" he asked her. **Don't bother to ask her. She thinks Jesus is a sexist pig who orders everyone to kill.**

"Well Jesus Christ is the greatest thing to ever happen to the world. He is God's only begotten son and he died on the cross for our sins. He died so that we could be free of sin. Through him we can go to heaven and be with our heavenly father. I am a Prayer Warrior and my job is to **kill random characters and make them regenerate so I can convert them and have them be killed by other characters **spread the word of God to all people, so that they all know who Jesus Christ is and the sacrifice that he made, as told by Saint Matthew in his Gospel. This is truly good news for everyone," answered my question she did.

"Oh my, this is truly good news! This feels like good comfort for me! I want to become a Christian! **If only people were really this over-the-moon about converting… **I want know your way, and maybe I could one day see your saviour and he could answer my question! I want to know who I really am!" **You are Jason, she is Annabeth, and I am I3TB. **he shouted with glee! He was truly amazed at this wise girl's words.

"First you must be baptized. I highly doubt you **still have your sanity **have been baptized yet, and even if you have been baptized, we better be careful. I will get my friend he to baptize you. No women are permitted to baptize. This is a man's job," she said.

One of the other Prayer Warriors, a male, came up to where they were. **Woah, stalker. **He was called Leo **Hi, Leo! **and he had curly hair. Nearby was a stream and it was there that Leo baptized Jason. After he was baptized, he felt fresh and ready to go. **Did he have his hairspray and radio? **He wanted to know more about this wonderful Jesus that he had heard so much about. And he really wanted to go to this camp where he could learn more about a father **Jupiter? **who loved him so much.

When they got to the camp, some guy was yelling out some stuff that disturbed Jason a lot. **How did he get through the barrier? **This person was not like the other people. Unlike Annabeth and her friends, this person was wearing dark clothing **Is it Nico? Please tell me it's Nico. I love Nico! **and looked very evil.

"Who is this person?" he asked.

"He is a false prophet. He claims to worship the roman gods, but we all know he is secretly worships Satan, **Grammar, dear. **the worse crime of them all. For some strange reason, God is not allowing us to defeat him. He seems immortal, but it won't be long before we find a way to get rid of him and send him to the depths of hell. Treat this man as a test of your faith. But don't worry, he won't be here long," Annabeth answered Jason's question. **Why is this chapter so looooong?**

This what the false prophet yelled (don't worry, it won't be that scary** I will not be mollycoddled.**): "Dear people of this **horror alternate universe **earth, you got this all wrong. **You do, actually. Read the reviews. **We are not here to harm you. All we want you to do is worship our Roman gods. I am here to present one of them, Jupiter, the mightiest of them all. Worship them and you will be rewarded."

"He is lying," said Annabeth. "Not only is he here to harm you, he is here also to tempt you into falling to your death, where you will burn forever in the flames of hell, a painful fate no one should get, other than **Hitler, Tommy-boy, and that mean hunter who killed Bambi's mom. That jackass. **those satanic scum! Pray to God and you will be rewarded, unlike the Roman gods who have nothing to reward you with other than endless suffering."

She then took me to the main church hall. **They built a church in the camp? Please tell me they didn't cut down any of the strawberry fields. **She told me that Jerry and Percy Jackson built this church with their very own hands. **Strawberry fields forever. **It looks very beautiful and had many wonderful paintings duplicating famous scenes from the Holy Bible, such as the crucifixion, the birth of Jesus, and Moses leading the people out of the land of Egypt. The last painting gave Jason a strange feeling, something of his previous life. It was something important that he should remember but he couldn't.

As they entered the Church they could hear a pain scream. Someone was inside. That person was panicking. Annabeth and Leo rushed inside with Jason following.

"Oh no!" said Annabeth. "Grover has been demon possessed!"_**Again?**_

THOMAS: Find out in the next chapter what happens to Grover. **The possibilities are rather limited, ya see. **Will they be able get rid of the demon from Grover, **Well, they killed him last time this happened, so I'm assuming not. **and where is Percy Jackson? **At Camp Jupiter. **And will they be able to defeat the evil Roman gods? **No. They're immortal.**

EBONY: I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. **Not really. **We will promise that the next chapter will be even better with even more action driven plotlines.

**Zzz… ugh… wait, what?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Song of the chapter- Jeopardy theme**

EBONY: We have decided to tone things down a little bit. **This causes me much joy and sadness at the same time. **This will allow this story to be more accepting to other people and other people accepting to it. **Your rep kinda kills it, Ebby-girl. Murders it. Slaughters it. Destroys it. **Despite this, we will not reframe **I need my grad photo reframed **from warning that you will suffer if you continue worshiping gods that is different from the One True God.

**I burnt popcorn yesterday. I can still smell it a little bit.**

THOMAS: Yes he let his only begotten son come down to this earth and died for our sins. This is the greatest reward anyone could ever be given. So take it full arm open and embrace it! **Okay, but do I _have_ to do it with only one arm? **And I also like to mention that there are a few people that think it is clever to mock these holy words, **Tommy-boy, we're not mocking the words of the Bible. We're mocking your flushed-down-the-toilet-and-regurgitated-only-to-be-drunk-by-a-dog-and-crapped-out-onto-your-holier-than-thou-welcome-mat world views. **and these people are: Arcadiarika on that filthy website TV Tropes, and BookObsesserNumberOne who secretly claims to be a Christian but is actually like my brother who accepts Atheists as their own. **Accepting people is fun. You should try it sometime. **People like these must suffer for the sins that they have caused!** So, according to you, I must suffer eternal damnation just because I'm a nice person?**

EBONY: And I am not a Goth! Goth is Satanic, **Erroneous. **and I am not a Satanist, but a good Christian girl. Hey, I haven't even hadn't done the thing yet! **What **_**thing**_**, Ebony? Pray tell. **And The Battle with the Witches is an original fan-fiction and Thomas wasn't copy anybody!** I have to admit that's true. BwtW, plotwise, wasn't much like My Immortal. It was closer to jO bekke at HUgwRts.**

**You know what the sad thing is? I didn't make that title up.**

**Read the original on her profile, "jo bel", or with commentary anywhere else. Either way, it will still make your eyes bleed.**

Chapter Two: Annabeth Performs an Exodus on Grover

**Annabeth is going to free Grover from the pharaoh and lead him out of Egypt to the promised land?**

"Help me get Grover out of here," **How did they get from camp to Egypt so fast? Did they teleport, like in Threat of Satanic Commonism? **said Annabeth in a very panicking tone. "I think Satan has most likely broken through the walls and has managed to demon process Grover. **Possibly. That's what happened last time, isn't it? **Or we might have a tractor amongst us!" **Quite probable. You can't tend an entire strawberry field by hand.**

"A tractor?" asked Jason. "Do you mean that someone is secretly working for our enemy Satan? **No, I mean there's a piece of heavy yellow machinery that you can attach a cart full of hay onto and call it a kiddy ride among us. **I thought you told me that you managed to cleanse this country of this satanic scum and that everyone here are good Christian men and women."** A country full of only good people? What do we look like, Lichtenstein?**

"Yes, but there is still atheists and Satanists; who secretly worship the devil even through it is illegal. **Atheists don't worship the devil, dear. In fact, they technically don't worship anything. **And we have had a tractor before but **it rusted out, so we sold it to a museum. **we never manage to find him. He could still be here? And this same tractor could have allowed Satan to enter this camp and demon process Grover! Oh curse ye satanic scum, why ye must cause us so much suffering," said Annabeth craving.

"**Because you're a whiny bitch."**

Jason decided to comfort her in her time of need. A good friend would do that but at the moment most of her friends were out battling evil, with Jerry still in Russia taking on the evil Stalin, **Isn't he dead? Isn't Grover dead? Isn't Annabeth dead? Isn't your logic dead? **and Percy Jackson missing. She looked like she was in big distress.** Sounds like it to.**

So he helped her drag Grover out of the church an into the main court yard where all the campers went to eat food and pray to our lord Jesus Christ and the One True God. Jason found a well, and with Leo's help (Annabeth was not strong enough to help for she was a weak woman) they managed to dunk Grover's head into the well.

**Believe me, my aunt is a woman, and she's always been perfectly capable of pushing people's heads into water.**

**It's no picnic having it done to you. **

"We must leave his head under the water for at least five minutes **You're leaving him in water with no oxygen device for at least five minutes? Are you trying to kill him again? **although ten would be better, as told by the hand book. **There's a handbook? Let me guess… ****Exorcism for Dummies****? **A then I will do a prayer for I am the only person here skilled enough to do it (I was taught by Jerry, who is very good at doing such prayers, and I have witness him do many of them on many people and he succeeds each time without the person dying). Let wait a bit though before I the prayer," Annabeth told Jason and Leo.

***hums Jeopardy theme***

After five minutes Jason, "Do the prayer quickly before he drowns."** Too late.** Everyone watched with anoxia.

**Anoxia- an abnormally low amount of oxygen in the body tissues. I thought only Grover was drowning?**

"Dear One True God and your only begotten son Jesus Christ, please hear this plead to you. Satan has managed to enter this camp with the aid of a tractor **Satan rode into camp on a tractor? **(curse ye hyphen **(- - - - - hehe… cursed hyphens.) **that brings suffering among thee), and he has demon processed a devoted follower of your way: Grover! Please make this demon leave this fellow friend of mine! I shed a tear to allow you to allow this to happen: make the demon leave Grover! I beg you!" But it was too late, the demon managed to kill Grover, by making Grover drown. Grover was dead. **For the seventy-sixth billion time. **"Curse you Satan! Why Jesus, why have you forsaken me?"

"**Because you're a whiny bitch," came a voice from the Heavens.**

She quickly left. Jason and Leo helped bury the body of Grover in the true Christian manner. They discussed amongst each other who they thought the tractor was? **It's a tractor. **Suddenly an old man came out. This was Chiron and he looked really distressed. **Oh, brilliant, Chiron finally regenerated!**

"I have some important to tell you all!" he said panic kingly. **May I panic princessly? **"Annabeth has just died. Satan has managed to take two lives today, one via demonizing, and the other by tricking them into DOING SUICIDE!" **Tommy-boy, honey, you don't "do suicide". You COMMIT suicide.**

**I'm going to recycle my speech from the last time Annabeth died- Better a dead Annabeth than a ridiculously OOC-in-a-moronic-story Annabeth. Fear not, PJO fans, and do not be disheartened. It's what our favourite daughter of Athena would have wanted.**


	3. Chapter 3

EBONY: Anyone that claims to be God is a liar. **Who in the world claimed to be God? Okay, scratch that… who, out of all your reviewers, seriously thinks they're God? **Only God is God! **And only I am me! **And we will not finish writing these fan-fictions until the gospel is spread to all mankind!** Here's an idea- arrest Kony! Maybe people will take you seriously then!**

THOMAS: Yes, that last comment was insulting. **Tommy-boy, be nice to your cousin. **You are not Jesus Christ so don't claim to be. And I will not be shooting myself with a gum at no point ever! I am a messenger of the lord and these types of people do not do suicide.** Then why did you say you would? What did I tell you about not raising hopes?**

EBONY: And the reason why we mentioned about Annabeth committing suicide was because it was a serious issue we wanted to discuss about.** Save your personal life for the cameras, sweetie.**

THOMAS: Yes, and this will be dealt in this chapter with a few speeches made by Chiron and Jason.

**Chapter Three: The Camp Decides to Take Revenge for Annabeth and Grover's death**

Jason saw a girl crying. **I saw The Lorax today. That redhead is such a bitch, huh? She said she'd marry the kid if he got her a tree, and all he got was a kiss on the cheek? Sheesh… **He didn't want to go anymore nearer to her unless he distressed her even more. So he waited there, picked up a Bible, and read it to pass time. **If someone stood over me reading the Bible while I was crying, I would be completely freaked out. **Suddenly the girl opened her eyes and looked at Jason.

"She is dead," she said in a shocked tone.** Don't worry, she'll regenerate in a few chapters.**

"Yes," said Jason, "I was there when the horrible deed was done. **Liar. You were burying Grover. **I am sorry that I couldn't do anything more. She was in read big distress. Who are you again?"

"My name is Thalia **Yumazing, I don't know if you're still reading this, but you got your wish. Thalia's back! **and I helped Percy Jackson defeat those evil gods," she said.** Yeah, right. You broke down crying and got murdered by Jerry.**

"Yes, I had heard many things about him and how he managed to kill his own father **Fifth commandment, dah-ling. **with a great sword given to him by Jerry, another Prayer Warrior that I hear so much about," said Jason. "I had just read their previous adventures in The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods Part One. **The characters read their own crap? **But I like to hear a firsthand account of the events that took place."

"Yes," Thalia said, **And ninth commandment for you. **"I will tell what happen that brought death to my father but gained a new father, the one and only true God and his eternal son Jesus Christ of Nazareth **GASP **(see, that is finally spelt right so you cannot mock me anymore). And so her is how we defeated the evil Zeus

"We went into the temple of Zeus with our swords and shields, and in the main hall there was a man that was raping an innocent girl, who was screaming. We dragged the man by his hair to the centre of the room and we stoned him to death. We saved the girl because she was screaming, and that means that she wasn't enjoying it, and I felt pity on her. I even fell to Percy's feat pleading him to save her. **Hey, I remember this from the first time he typed it! I think I said back then that he was clearly a virgin. **This girl was Rachael who is in Russia at the moment defeat the evil Stalin.** That was?**

"We then went into the main chamber and Percy Jackson came on front of our father Zeus. **Spoiler alert! Don't tell Jason he's your brother yet, Thally-girl. Element of surprise! **He told the false god that he decided to disown him, and said that wasn't his father but **Poseidon **God was. I also disowned him because I had found a new father in Christ. Now because he wasn't our father, we could kill him. So Percy stabbed him in the heart, and I stabbed him in the back. We were not sure who did the killing blow, but I decided to give Percy the credit. **That's not the Thalia I know. Or the Jason that I know. Or anything from the PJO universe that I know. **We than dragged the false god out so that all his followers could see the he wasn't a god. And all his followers, after realizing that they had been worshiping a false god, then converted to Christianity. And so is the story of how we killed the evil false god Zeus," she told me.** Clappity clap clap.**

"Thank you," said Jason, "for telling me it from another person's point of view. Although I have already known about that even, you tail has told me more. **Thalia has a tail? Did she transform into a deer to identify more with Artemis? **However, I want to talk about our friend Annabeth."

"Yes, that was a shame. I did not like how she died. I want to find that tractor and kill **Silly Thalia, you don't kill tractors! You get Chuck Norris to do it. **before it lets Satan in again so that he could demon process another person just like he did to poor old Grover (bless him and I hope he is having a great time in heaven). **Yeah, the booze is flowing and the disco ball is spinning. He's having a blast. **I want to get revenge, even though Jesus told us to turn the other check. **Yes, I accept cheques. **It is my responsibly to put an end to this all! I will go out there now and tell everyone of the evil that has happened," **Too late. They know. **Thelia said. She stood up and walked out of the room, and into the main courtyard where poor old Grover had died, after being drown in the well because a demon processed him after being allowed to come into the camp because of a tractor.

"I will come with you," said Jason as he stood next to Thelia as she said her speech.

"I can tell you that a friend of mine has died. Although we were not of the same blood, because we all shared the same heavenly father, we are sistersthrough the one and only true God. And I want to tell you something very important. Although Annabeth killed herself and this is a sin in God's eyes, it would have been punished. But because she was under the control of Satan (and without her own free will) she will go to heaven with Grover. It was not their fault but the tractor's fault. **Did Annabeth get run over by a tractor or commit suicide? Settle. **We must find this tractor and destroy it **Don't bother. There are people who collect antique tractors. **along with Satan. This tractor has been among us for many years, **You never updated your tractor? **before we were able to defeat the evil god's of Greece. But I want you all to join me in defeating this evil once and for all!" she told everyone at the camp. They all cheered.** Two of their friends just died, and they're… cheering?**

"I will join you in your quest to defeat this evil thing," said Jason with pride.

"I too will help you in finding this demonized tractor!" said Leo, also with pride.

"**I will eat this watermelon-flavoured Push Pop!" said I3TB, also with pride.**

"Then we must go alas to Washington for there is said to be a man that knows about the tractor's true identity," said Thelia.** Too long. Just ask whoever it was last time. They regenerated, right?**

"I will," said a girl named Piper, **Hi, Piper! **"will stay here and make sure that the tractor never strikes again!"** Just empty its gas tank.**

"I will stay with you and protect you," said Luke, who was going out with Piper **Ew **but not in sexualized way. **"Dating sexually"… I'm using that term. **"I will also keep a guard out for any tractors that might plan to demonize one of us."** Demon tractors! Yippee!**

"I will guide you in the ways of Christ," said Chiron.

"So let it be that we know our tasks. Now we must say good bye. **Goodbye. Feel free to never come back. **I like to say prayer which is: for the one true God and his eternal only begotten son Jesus Christ to protect us on this quest to find the tractor that terrorizes us," said Thelia.

And so they went their separate paths to do their quest.

**Damn, it's late… great, Tommy-boy. How am I supposed to fix my sleeping schedule to daylight savings time now?**


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's note/ Hi, it is Ebony here. I will be writing this chapter today. _**That makes me feel loads better. **_Thomas is out for most of the day so he is giving me the task to write today's chapter._** Or he could skip a day? Skipping is fun. Especially with ropes.**_ I have been told by Thomas to talk about a very important issue on baptism and why it is very important to be baptized as soon as possible._** Yes. When baptising, try not to drown the person. You can accomplish that by not holding their head underwater for five minutes.**

**Chapter Four**

Jason quietly walked down the road, following Leo and Thelia **Who's Thelia? What happened to Thalia? **who were talking about a story that was told in the bible. Jason wasn't all that bothered – he would learn about it later – but instead more interested in feeling the fresh breeze on that summer day. **It's very breezy where I'm sitting. I think I'm going to move back inside. **God had truly blessed him with giving the best friends anyone could ever want – Thelia, Leo, and most importantly Jesus Christ. **Why are all the characters in this story forever alone? **

They had driven there over the past few days – to Washington DC – **Great, Washington! It's really nice there. The architecture is amazing. **where they planned to meet someone who could help them work out who the traitor's identity was. Chiron was very vague on who this person they were about to meet was, but the guess God would direct them to where the needed to go. Jason thought long and hard about this traitor – remembering all the faces he had seen at camp. **He remembers? Awesome memory. **He knew that one of them was secretly an enemy. The problem was: who was the traitor. **It's the tractor, of course. You've seen it drive around camp with the girl you love, but you were, like, "Forget you". **It was important them to find the proper traitor since they didn't want kill anyone innocent along the way.** Why not? They've done it before.**

"I am sure it's that Luke guy," said Leo. **Wasn't Luke dead by the time Leo came into the series? **For the past few days he had been insisting that Luke was the man, but Thelia had to correct him.

"Leo," she corrected him, "Luke cannot possibly be the traitor **He was in canon. **– he helped Percy and Jerry in defeating those evil gods a year ago. Someone that helpful in defeating Satan would never dare backstab us. **Well, that's Lukey-boy. Stabbity-stab-stab. **Whoever the traitor is, he is most likely the person does the least to honour our God **Erroneous. The traitor would be very earnestly trying to seem inconspicuous. It would probably be the most devout person in the camp. Liiiiike… Jerry! Kill Jerry! Or Michael, Michael works too. **– I bet the person has even been skipping Church. You know that there have been a few campers wagging Church on Sunday. Chiron caught them around the corner a few months ago smoking pot. Seriously, who would give up the love of Jesus just to get high? **Addicts. **That is really beyond me."** Most things are, pseudo-Thalia.**

"Yeah," Leo started pondering – realizing the mistake he had made. **It was a perfectly logical conclusion. Don't be sorry. **"I suppose you are right. I better be careful next time – we shouldn't be playing the blame game **Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Luke stole the cookie from the cookie jar! Who, me? Yes, you. Not I! Then who? **as all it will do is cause even more problems and break our friendship up. And then we will never be able to defeat Satan then and honour God."

Suddenly, while Leo was talking, a bat flew in front of them. It started to attack Jason. **Yipperoo. **It transformed into a wicked lady with big massive fangs. Jason realized that she was in fact a vampire. **Bella? Kill her, kill her!**

**(Sorry, VolturiQueen1993… I have issues with the saga.)**

"Be gone you demon," yelled Thelia, but this was otiose **Otiose- ineffective or futile. Surprisingly, he used the word appropriately. **– all the vampire did was laugh. "I declare with the power of God, go away from this realm and back to hell where you belong!"

"**But it's hot down there!" whined the vampire.**

"Mahahahahahaaa," laughed the vampire in an old English accent. **You can laugh with an accent? **"Thy not effected by ye weak demands. Thy powers are stronger. **Thank you. **Only a strike to the heart will kill thy and send thy to hell. Ye has no powers yet to defeat thy." **Why was all this spoken in second-person? **Jason was really scared – he didn't know what to do. **She told you that you have no powers to defeat yourself. She didn't say it was impossible to kill her. **Who do you defeat something so evil and wicked? Suddenly he found a cross that was lying in his bag. He got the cross out and pointed its holy image at the wicked thing. The vampire screamed and then disappeared.** Oh. It was Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, then?**

Thelia and Leo came up to Jason to thank him. By now he was shaking, but was glad to get rid of that thing – whatever it was.** It was a vampire, dear.**

"You did pretty well," said Thelia gratefully. "I am glad that you acted quickly – I don't we could have defeated it otherwise. **Why not? She was all mouth and no trousers. My mattress could have taken her on. **Recently Satan has been sending even more powerful demons to kill us campers. Usual demons can be sent to hell by saying a prayer, but these ones need to be stabbed in the heart – a difficult task, but needed. We need to find this vampire or else it will come back and try to kill us again."

So they decided to talk around, to see if anyone knows about the vampire and where it lives. Like expected, most of the people were either unaware or completely oblivious of there being vampires. **Ignorance is bliss. Why ruin it? **They decided that the best idea was to pray to God for the answer and hopefully he would answer their call in the sleep – by sending a message or warning, either way good.

That night, Thelia came across a family who had not baptized their child yet – even though the baby was a month old. So she got Leo to baptize the baby. She told the parents that it is important to get the baby baptized so that its sins can be forgiven by God. This is because having sex is needed to produce a baby – a sin – meaning that the baby will be living in sin unless it gets baptized.

**Tomfool. Intercourse, from a religious perspective, is a union of body, mind, and soul between a married couple. Even if it were a sin, it would be on the conscience of the parents, not the child that came to be as a result of the union. Baptism is a symbol of accepting the forgiveness of God. **

**Thanks to The Son of the Son, whose explanation I based mine off of.**

After that, they decided to go to sleep – hoping that God will bring them a message warning them where the vampire is.** Transylvania. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Song of the chapter- Viva La Vida by Coldplay, again. I like that song.**

**Jesus Christ**: Hello my son, where is Ebony.  
><strong>Thomas Brown:<strong> She **escaped, and is now living with a shiny guy named Chad. **is resting. She wont be writing anymore chapters for awhile. **Sad. I liked her. **She wants to wonk on her own story: The Prayer Ponies; you should read it.  
><strong>Jesus:<strong> Yes, I but I can say that we have a new friend today.** Whee.**  
><strong>Thomas:<strong> Yes, and his lame is Saint Peter, a god fiend of our friend Jesus Christ, lord of all kind!** What's the reason, I can't explain. I know Saint Peter won't call my "lame".**  
><strong>Saint Peter:<strong> Yes I have come to talk to you about an important issue about baptism.  
><strong>Jesus:<strong> Please tell.  
><strong>Thomas:<strong> I am sure it does will be interesting.** Are you positively sure it will does be interesting?**  
><strong>Peter: <strong>Well, it is very important to get baptized; if you don't you will burn in hell. Baptism shows our dedication to God and our lord Jesus Christ, his son, and creates a sacred bond. Without it, it tells us that we don't love God and we will burn in hell. Amen.  
><strong>Jesus:<strong> Hanky for that important information, I hope it will be good use to many people reading this sacred and holy story; so far the only goodly story on this site, **Yeah, right. There are plenty of charming stories on this site. I'd be reading them right now if not for you. **fall of sinful boastful and disgusting shit. **Don't swear. It's K-rated. **But we must let our author continue his story.  
><strong>Thomas:<strong> Thank you Jesus, I will continue my god wonk.

**Chapter Five: The Vampires Take Over the White House**

That morning Jason and Thelma **from Scooby-Doo? **woke up to a news report. One the Television (the channel was Fox News, the only reliable news source) **ROFLMBO. **was a distressful reporter. **That unattractive? **He spooked in a rushed voice, "We have bad news, America is being ruined by vampires, but the good news is that Obama is dead. **How is that good news? **Once the vampires are taken care of, John McCain will become president."** What's the reason? Can you explain? Once you go there was never an honest word, and that was when I ruled the world.**

"Oh no!" said Thelma, "we must god smothering **Pardon? **about that! I don't want to be ruined by vampires! **Then eat plenty of garlic. **Let's go to the white house now to get those vampires and kill them. We are prayer warriors so we are Americans best chances. **What has happened to the country? **Let's go!"

"Yes, I do agree with you there, we must do something about it. Let's get our excitement ready and then we can go and kick some unread butt! **Some of these vampires have been alive for thousands of years. I'd say they are well-read. **So let's go, I agree with you," said Jason. So they worked up Leo, who had now gotten a degree in Turbo studies, **It's true- you really can get a degree in anything. **and they got their demon killing excitement. And then they want to the White house, which was being guarded by a group of demons.

Leo managed to make a massive sword to cut through those demons and let Thelma and Jason get pass into the building where the vampires were. They entered the building with corpses flashing at the vampires and gherkins **Gherkin- the small, immature fruit of a variety of cucumber, used in pickling. **to stopped them from getting cross. They decided to deal with this lower level demons latter, they wanted to deal with the leaders first, and thither will die afterwards after a massage prey.

They soon entered the main room where the president usually was, they saw Obama body but glad he was dead, and they also saw the vampires hissing at them. They got their steaks out **Sorry I can't join this party. I'm vegetarian.**so they could stabbed them with it.

"BE GONG YOU STUPID THINGS! You thought you could take on us Christians, but you will lose every time. Why? Because you **are too busy making pickles! **do not have God on your side. WE have confessed our sins and we know we have done bade things, but you think you are good. Hope foolish, **HOPE FOOLISH! **Satan will punish you in hell!" yelled Jason.

"NOW SURFER **Barbara-Ann… please take my hand… **YOUR PAINFUL DEATH!" yelled Leo as he charged at the vampire, but they were able to butt him and turn him into a vampire.** That sucks. But he might set everyone on fire.**

"Oh now! We are going to have to kill you as well! Damn it!" **Language. **yelled Thelma. "Why must you make us surfer. **It's always nice to try new things. **You must surfer not us!"

"Well, we will give him a proper burial, he wood deserve it," said Jason ere sadly.

"Evil laugh!" said the vampire.

"**Confused face!" said the commentator.**

"You coward," said Jason.

"Well, let me inflict my wart onto you! **I'd rather you not. Warts are hard to get rid of. **You will surfer much more now. I will turn you into a vampire and then suck you blood dry and make you worship our lord Stan. **In that order? **And then we will force the entire country Americana to worship Satin without their precision. And I am going to have sex with your lady friend her," said the vampire.** You don't hear "lady friend" much these days…**

"Never!" yelled Jason and he slit the vampire's throat, stabbed its heart with a steak, and then behead the vampire. **When looking through my Friends list on Facebook today, I realized I didn't know half of these people. I also apparently befriended my fifth grade gym teacher and fourth grade English teacher at some point or another. **He did that with the other vampires and all of them went off in smokes. They friend McCain who rewarded them, and then he became president, voted in by the people, since Obama rigged the election.** How, pray tell?** He was sent to prison **Isn't he dead? **because he was also not American but Kenyan, so he shouldn't have become president anyway. He was also a Muslim, and Muslim along with Atheists, are not allowed to become a president.** Untrue on both counts, tabloid-boy.**

Jason and Thelma were given medals by McCain and then they continued their quest, after burying their friend Leo.

"You were a deer **roadkill **friend to me," said Jason. "I hope you are rewarded in heaven," said Jason.** Chill, he'll regenerate soon.**

"We will make these Roman gods suffer for what they have done," said Thelma. Suddenly the phone rang and Thelma picked it up. "Who is there…. Ok… we will be there soon."

"Who was that?"

"**It was Copy. He asked if we were done with Paste yet."**

"It was Ebony. She wants us to go to Texas. She needs help. She has found an actually Roman god!"** Gasp.**

**Thomas:** I hope that chapter was better than the four before this.** Well, it was a bit shorter…**  
><strong>Jesus:<strong> Yes it was.  
><strong>Peter:<strong> I could read it over and over again. Keep up the good work (A pun, in other words the gospel) **Intellectual.**  
><strong>Thomas:<strong> Thank you. And I wish my cousin good luck in her new story the Prayer Ponies. You should all read it. It is very good.** Sorry, but I have a life.**  
><strong>Jesus:<strong> You will be rewarded with rewards if you read it.  
><strong>Peter:<strong> Yes.  
><strong>Thomas:<strong> Cool.

PS: I am planning to write a Lord of the Rings story.** Spare Tolkien.** Will you my fellow fans want to read it?** They probably won't, but I'll have to.** Be good to read? I be glad for read it you to it.** Don't be. I have cookies.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Jesus:** Hello my deer friends. **I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not a deer. **This chapter will be inspirational, **It might inspire me to hide under a blanket and never come out **especially the deeds our main characters will do in my name. They will show us that we must humour me for me to be please us.** Tommy-boy, if you want us to believe Jesus is writing your author's notes, try to be JUST A TINY LITTLE BIT more in-character.**  
><strong>Peter:<strong> Yes, I truly agree with that without any doubt beyond my many years (two thousand** and twelve, assuming he is the same age as Jesus** to be precise). I, like many others, have convert many people to your cause making you pleased. A false believer would claim that we must love the nonbeliever, **That's not false. "Love thy neighbour" ring any bells? **but this is nonsense, for we must hate them ***sings to drown out stupidity* **_**I can hear the bells- just hear them chiming…**_until they convert to our cause in spreading the gospel of our lord Jesus Christ of Narrative, the only begotten son of the God of Israel (the Jews reject Jesus as the son of God by crucifying him, **You know, I never understood why people say that. There are roughly 13.3 million Jews alive today. None of them personally killed Jesus. Other than that, pretending it was a Jew that killed Jesus (though it was the Romans), one person does not make an entire religious group murderers. It literally makes no sense. **therefore they will not get a peace of heaven until they to confess their sins **It's called Yom Kippur, dear. **and bow down a prey to the right heir, our lord Jesus Christ!).  
><strong>Jesus:<strong> Yes I do agree. And Thomas Finn Brown wants to tank Ebony for proofreading this godly and holy chapter. May it bless anyone who reads with the holiness that is I! Amen.

**Chapter Six: Blowing up the Abortion Clinic in Kansas City**

**I hope, for your sake, that there weren't any people in there.**

And so Thelia and Jason travelled to Kansas in a van they brought using their Prayer Warrior bank account (a phone call to Jerry told them that it was okay to get money from there). The van was an old light blue Plymouth Voyager from the late 1980s **Pump-sucker. **(none of that Japanese junk being sold at the moment. **My mother drives a Toyota. It's very shiny. **Curse you Obama for closing down the car production factories due to your communistic ideas, with sending the business to Japan.) **Japanese cars have been sold in America since the seventies. Obama had nothing to do with it. **and we drove it down the highway towards Ebony's home state Kansas. We stopped off at a hotel were we delighted the guests there with the gospel of the lord (because the owners were Good Christian Men (who were brothers, so don't get any naughty ideas), **What naughty ideas? **we were allowed to preach as much as we wanted to, unlike when we went to Russia and were not allowed to mention Christ's name at all (Damn stupid Atheists). **Atheists don't mind. Go ahead, say it. See if the people from the Stride gum commercial come and get you. **Infect, the owner paid us to preach). **Damn stupid money hog. You do it because you want to, not because you're given money. **We then went to bed (in separate beds since we are no married). **You're siblings. Chill.**

We then grieved at Ebony's house. Her cousin was out, so she could talk to them freely (her atheist cousin was living there and was really controlling; his name was Noah).** Didn't Noah move out already?** She was waiting at the poach, knitting a jumper **Why not just buy one? Much quicker. **for her other cousin (this one was a good Christian Man who was also a really good author). **C.S. Lewis is Ebony's cousin?** She walked down the peach **Peach? I want a peach. **to great us.

"Hello my deer friends, I haven't met you in a very long time. Wasn't it in Russia when I met you last," said Ebony gadfly.** Gadfly- nuisance** "Sorry about ignoring you right now since I was busy proofreading a story for my cousin (the good Christian one; not that greedy selfish atheist one who lingers about)."** Ebony, dear, would you do us a favour and STFU?**

"Yes, we did truly fight very gravely," said Jason with a lot of pride.** Hubris.**

"Okay," said Thelia, "what did you call us for." **She found a Roman god. Pay attention.**

"Yes, I need to show you something. I have managed to capture a real Roman god," she replied.** Cool. Do you have any gum?**

"Show us at once," said Jason, demandingly. **What's the magic word? **The woman **had no spine **knew her place so she took him to the evil god; Thelia remained behind to carter to the gardening (see knew her palace as well).** Thalia has a palace? Aww, yeah.**

"I will be taking you to my Christian cousin's place, for Noah does not know that I have managed to do this. If he found out he would **roll his eyes and send you to a mental hospital **force me to release this evil god and all of these would be for nothing," said Ebony.

"Yes," said Jason. "Take me there now." **That's not the magic word. **So she did.

"This is the evil god," said Ebony pointing to an old man, but they all knew this was a disguised; he was most likely a demon so he would be really ugly. "This is Socrates, ***facedesk repeatedly* **one of the evil Roman gods. **Ebby-girl, Socrates was an Ancient Greek philosopher, specializing in ethics, something you know nothing about. **They are camped out in California, but this one strayed too far and we were able to capture him (you know that California is such an ungodly place that we have place to wipe them all out with nuclear weapons. **Why? You can travel the world, but nothing comes close to the Golden Coast. **So many homosexuals there that I think it are beyond saving," continued Bony.** Hehehehe…** "But before we deal with this evil thing, we have something more important. Down the road is an abortion clinic; I don't have the strength to destroy it, **You don't need strength. You just need money. **but I bet you do," asked Ebony to Jason, wanting him to take the task.

"I will take your task for I am a proud Prayer Warrior so I will take this task eerily," said Jason.

"So I will say a prayer for you and our impossible task, **Nothing's impossible if you have a brain. **which god will be **s**poon our side to guide us," said Ebony. And so she said a prayer:

_In all the word  
>roams a sword.<br>Making those  
>over there goes.<br>And all will see  
>likes to see me.<br>Tonight we will  
>live in Christ.<em>

**Tommy-boy, I think you should cross out "songwriter" from the list of possible career choices for you. Just saying.**

"What I lovely Prayer, it will give me strength to go on!" said Jason. And so they went to the abortion clinic and Jason went up and said to all those sinful people going to kill their unborn children, "You have murdered. This is a sin and the punishment is death." So they got all the people and put them in prison, until they had their child, and then they will be put to death. **Becaue our orphanages aren't full enough already. **Jason then blew up the Abortion Clinic with a bomb (this is not terrorism **Yes, it is. By official definition, it is. **since it is being done in God's name for a good cause). **Ever heard of the Fenians, Tommy-boy?** And Jason won a medal from the mayor of Kansas City, Joe Reardon. **That seemed a tad rushed.**

**Jesus:** That was a very interesting Chapter.  
><strong>Peter:<strong> I hope that evil god dies. **Socrates is already dead.**  
><strong>Jesus:<strong> Me too.  
><strong>Thomas:<strong> Until then, goodbye.


	7. Chapter 7

**Bit of a late update, again. I'm sorry, but the weather here has been incredible, and the last thing I felt like doing was sitting in front of a computer and explaining how very wrong, erroneous, incorrect, mistaken, and immoral Tommy-boy's stories are.**

**Still don't feel like doing it, really. Sucks for me.**

**Jesus:** This chapter will be much better than the last capture. **When was anyone captured during story progression? **It will have more action and wronger-doers are more punishable. **Oh, joy. **This will honor me muck.** True. This story makes muck look very honourable.**  
><strong>Paul: McCartney?<strong> Yes, I do honest heartily agree with you, this will be the best chapter in this endure series.** Translation- I am going to need a lot of candy to pull through this.**  
>Jesus: am glad about that. I hope the readers will agree also with this statement, specially all those good Christian Men out there.<strong> Why would these "good Christian Men" by happy about the deaths of remarkable philosophers?<strong>  
><strong>Peter:<strong> I am sure to give this capture a good reviews.** I'm not. Hopefully, neither are you charming reviewers. And you charming people that are going to review this chapter because I really need the motivation.**  
><strong>Thomas:<strong> I like say that my proof-reader, Ebony, will going on camp tomorrow so I will be needing a new-new proof-reader **May I recommend markf50? He's _very_ interested in becoming your "proof-reader". **to take her place for a few weeks. Anyone that wants to do that can you please email me; **What's your email, **_**dear**_**? **thank-you weary much.

**Chapter Seven: We Kill Socrates**

Back at Ebony's house after getting the medal from the major, our heroes were waiting at the baloney **It's no baloney, it ain't a phony- my cellular, bananular phone. **of Ebony's house. She was waiting inside, getting prepared for our next meeting with the evil god Socrates. She came out.** Refined carbs.**

"We must now take on that evil scum that claimed to be god. **When did he claim that? I don't remember reading about Socrates having deity delusions. **We all know that there is only one true God, so this evil demon must be punished for blush-phony; **Blush-phony? What is that, knockoff cosmetics? **this is a sin so if we don't punish him we will be also accused of blush-phony **Or is he trying to spell blasphemy? Nobody knows. **since we were not doing the good work our God and his eternal beloved son Lord Jesus Christ of Narrative," **Be more original with you typos, Tommy-boy. **said Ebony Brown.

"Yes," said brave Jason, **I used the "Brave Sir Robin" joke already, didn't I? **"I do agree with you, we must punish this satanic demon. I have some trips up my leaves **Ah, yes, I forgot about your ability to turn into a caterpillar. **to get rid of this evil dump-head," **Dump-head… Dumpity headdity… I like it. It's mine. **said Jason. "Be careful around this evil demon Thelia, we don't know what evil deed she could do to you," Jason said his friend Thelia.** Socrates is a woman? The beard fooled me.**

"I think, to be safe, to leave you friend here," said Ebony.

"I agree with you there," said Jason. "She not a really good fighter anyway. **Thalia, not a good fighter? Say that to Aegis' face. **Let's go." And so they went, with Thelia staying behind, and Jason driving the van **I wasn't aware Jason could drive such a large vehicle. **since Ebony did not have a driver finance. **Is that the money they give you for being a good driver? Why didn't I get any driver finance? **They came to her cousin's house and Ebony showed him the evil **corn**flake god. "So we meet again," the Prayer Warrior said powerfully and inspirationally.

"Evil laugh," said Socrates sportingly and cowardly **at the same time, like a bawss. **and satanic like. "You will never defeat me, I am a **philosopher **god."

**You will never defeat me, I am a being who lives off the internet!**

"Yes, you claim to be one, **Okay, you caught me, I don't work for Google. But the internet is my life source. **but now I will now prove to you that you are mistaken," said Jason. And show he grabbed the little old man, **Is this an ageism hate crime? " **so weak, **so vulnerable," said Voldemort. **opened his mouth and threw napalm down it.** You threw an ingredient for making firebombs down Socrates' throat? Explain to me, slowly, WHY that was necessary.** Socrates screamed painfully as his throat burnt. "See, I have proved it, if you were a god, you would have no suffered a burn. You wouldn't be in pain. I will leave you now to allow you to have a painful and long death," said Jason. **Shame, Jason, I believed in you. Now I wish that stapler had lodged in your throat. **He left. Outside was a follower of Socrates that Thelia had managed to chapter while they were out.

"Kill me," she pleaded. "Make my life end!" Jason laughed.

"I will not end your life since murder is a sin. **What did you just do to Socrates, then? **I will make you my personal slave. Now take that whore **Why are all female minor characters in this story called "whores"? Does everyone in Tommy-boy's world have a criminal record for soliciting or something? **away and punish her first," he said to Thelia. She nodded and took her away. **Is she a good fighter or not? Select. **After this Jason and Ebony read the bible. **Well, **_**this**_** has never happened before in the series. **Then a phone calls rand. Ebony answered it. "What is it?" Jason asked.** That's no way to answer a phone. You can say "Hello", some variation thereof, or "Go!" if you're a stockbroker.**

"The other Kansas City **I wasn't aware there was more than one Kansas City. **has problem," she **And "she" is…? **said panicky. "I need to get out of retirement for I must help them."

"What is it," he asked her.

"A demon army is sieging the city!" she said. He grabbed.** I'll leave the rest of the sentence to your imagination. Think of all the delicious possibilities.**

**Next chapter- Tommy-boy kills Plato, Aristotle, and Vizzini.**

**Jesus:** See, that was a better capture. Please give it good reviews.  
><strong>Thomas:<strong> Yes I do too. Please give me good reviews, but no bad reviews okay. **Nope. **Amen.

**I am now going to take a shower to cleanse myself of this garbage.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Jesus:** Now we must look back at the torrent characters that have been stay at the camp.** But what if we don't care?**  
><strong>Thomas:<strong> Yes, this will be interested for I were wondering **I would be wondering, but I were too busy sucking on a massive lollipop. **what these people been up to.** Worshipping Rhesus Christ of Narrative and sharpening their weapons for an upcoming attack on Hollywood, I would imagine.**  
><strong>Jesus:<strong> Then right, my young prophet!** Hate to break it to you, ****Tommy-boy, but you aren't a prophet.**

**You know who was a prophet, though? Samuel.**

**In my opinion, Samuel was really unfair to Saul. Review and tell me what you think.**

**Chapter Eight: The Camp is Attacked Again**

And so Piper wait their in the churh for Luke to return (he had gone to get his Table **Good, I'm starving**, for we will be reading it all tontine!)** Tontine- the share of each subscriber. Dull.** and she trapped her fingers. **I trapped a rat once. **Sudden, Luke cam back with his bike, **Was it one of those cute ones with the streamers hanging from the handlebars and a little wicker basket in front? **panic kingly.

"We mutts go, **Is Luke a puppy? **the camp I sunger attack! **Lukey-boy, take a deep breath. Nobody can understand what you're saying. **We will get our strignths back and attack forward. We must not let them get way with iths," the rave Chrsitian Man **I'm assuming he loves to party, otherwise that made no sense **said so bravelily but not in sexual manner (they are nopt going out in anyway so don't get the rong ideas you perverts!) **Did he attempt to type with his nose?**

"Ok," she sad. "Showed me thy way!"** Scroll down to the second-last line and enjoy.**

And so he toke hair **Speaking of hair, who here watched The Hunger Games? Was it any good? **for the from church and taked her to a safe place up the hill were the three was once was which chaptered poor Thelma there by the flase god Hades (who Percy and Jeryy had kill in part 1). **Went to best friend's birthday party. Over-consumed beverage. Cannot compute.**

"Stay her my fiend," said he to her. **He to her… he to her… say it over and other again really fast, and it sounds like "heater" **"I will goo **squishy **back to get mortem poople **I don't think dead "poople" will be much help in this situation, Lukey-boy. **and kill those unbleivers!" And so he wet off. **I've heard of drying off, but not this. **She was lonely ubt Chiron had cam for his hose.** I like lawns. They're very green.**

"My good vergin Christian girl," he said in a non-pervert way,** Can someone, ANYONE, just say something in a perverted way so I won't have to rip my eyes out?** "you are safe her now. Luke will be ack son."** Luke will choke his son?**

"I am gla that you are her fif me," she said lovinly but not in s exual minter. "I hope Luke wil be ack son," she said.

**Okay, I think I got what he's trying to say-**

"**I am hosting a gala so that you may hear me play the fife," she said slovenly in the sexual winter, "I hope Luke will hack apart your son."**

"I here he is comin **'round the mountain **her now," he replied. Son Luke reappeared with a body. It look like it was live. He drop it down nex to Ciron woo lock in the bodybag. "So what do you hav her?" he ask the fewlow Christian.

**Luke's son reappeared with a body, and looked at the cameras that were broadcasting it live. He dropped the camera on Chiron's neck, and wooed a lock hidden in the body bag. "So how can you hear hay?" he asked a few short Christians. **

"This is the bod of the flase god Euripides who manage to snipe int the camp with an amy. The tractor much be behin this attack! I kill his follows but broguh him bak her to show u my fiend! Wat shut we do wif this heretic?" luke assed Chino. "I want you to decide."

"**This is a bud of a flaky plant from Europe that managed to tame a snipe with the help of Amy. The tractor must be behind this attack! I would follow him and kill him, but his accent is amazing, so I must bring him to the fiends so he may taunt them! Something about Doctor Emmet L. Brown?" Luke mooned a Rhino, "I want you to decide."**

"We wil hung him her at the three wick Thelma was tapepd in a many yers agao," said his teacher. "We wil mauk him surfer!" and so they hung the evil god and he die very quicklike. Suddenly a gurl apwel from the taller hill. She was in armour. It was Classes.

"**We will hang the transvestite with a three-wick candle in the place Thelma took tap dance lessons many years ago," said the tapdance teacher, "We will do our hair in Mohawks and surf!" and so they hung the evil god and he died while making up incomprehensible words. Suddenly Acura took Apple's share in the stock market. Acura reinforced their cars. They took classes.**

"I have come back from Russia," she sad. **Frowny face. **I have helped kil Stalin. Both Ebony and Micheal have gone into retirement. **I thought Ebony was in Kansas watching Socrates die? **I have Jerry with me now.

"Hellow," said Jerry. **DIE. **"I am her to hep to in our promlems." **I am here to teach you how to spell. **They wer al gad and wen bak to camp to prey. They then burred there death and mad those sinners rot, especialy the evol flase god.** Wait a second, when was there a battle?**

Jesus: Now we must look back at the torrent characters that have been staying at the camp.** This seems mighty familiar.**  
>Thomas: Yes, this will be interesting for I have been wondering what these people have been up to.<br>Jesus: Then right, my young prophet!  
>Chapter Eight: The Camp is Attacked Again<br>And so Piper waited in the in the church for Luke to return. (He had gone to get his Table , for we will be reading it all tonight!) and she trapped her fingers. Suddenly, Luke came back with his bike, panicking.  
>"We must go! The camp is under attack! We will get our strength back and attack forward. We must not let them get away with this," the rave Christian man said so bravely but not in a sexual manner.<br>"Ok," she said. "Show me the way!"  
>And so he took her for the from church and took her to a safe place up the hill. There, poor Thelma was captured by the god Hades.<br>"Stay her my friend," said he to her. "I will go back to get mortem poople and kill those unbelievers!" And so he went off. She was lonely but Chiron had came for his hose.  
>"My good virgin Christian girl," he said in a non-pervert way, "you are safe here now. Luke will be back soon."<br>"I am glad that you are her with me," she said lovingly manner. "I hope Luke wil be back soon."  
>"I hear he is coming back now," he replied. Soon, Luke reappeared with a body. It look like it was still alive. He dropped it down next to Chiron, who locked the body in a bag. "So what do you have here?" he asked.<br>"This is the body of the flase god Euripides. **Euripides was a** **was one of the three great tragedians of classical Athens,**** dimwit. **He managed to sneak in the camp with an army. The traitor must be behind this attack!" Luke said. "I killed his followers, but brought him back her to show you, my friend! What should we do with this heretic?" Luke asked Chiron. "I want you to decide."  
>"We should hang him at the tree where Thelma was trapped in a many years ago," said his teacher. "We will make him suffer!" They proceeded to hang the evil god. He died very quickly.<br>Soon after, a girl appeared from the taller hill. She was in armour. It was Classes.  
>"I have come back from Russia," she said. I have helped kill Stalin. Both Ebony and Michael have gone into retirement. I have Jerry with me now.<br>"Hello," said Jerry. "I am here to help out with the problems." Everybody was glad Jerry was there. They went back to camp to pray. They then burred the dead.

Good chapter. Seems to be lots of action going on. **Really? I didn't understand most of it. **I removed all grammatical errors, so nobody can criticize you about that. ^_^** You did NOT just use a smiley.**  
>Peace out! <strong>Hypocrite. <strong>God be with you!


	9. Chapter 9

**Tomas:** Hanky Anonymous for help on proofread. **This chapter has the most words and I haven't even started commentating yet. This is gonna be a long night. **You did good work for me. Ebony wil be bach son **Ebony is Bach's son? **so I don't ned you help after tis capture.** Yes, begone, proofreader!**  
><strong>Jesus:<strong> Yes his hep was weary god.** Indeed, his helpfulness was equivalent to that of a weary god.**  
><strong>Thomas:<strong> It a shame I wont ned him afar this capture. No I mush go on too the nectar capture.** If you need a break, go look up the lyrics to Justin Bieber's song "Boyfriend". It's a barrel of laughs. **

**Capture Nina: Jason Travels to the otter Kansas**

**NINA!**

**Attempting to write one-handed while leaning on desk. Not working.**

Jason went into the fan and Ebony follow. **The shit has hit the fan. **Thelma cam login with ten. **Where is this proofreader you speak of? **Ad so Joso **the Clown **drove the Chrysler Voyager since enither Ebony nor Thelmas could dive. **I can't dive either. I think they taught me how to when I first learned to swim when I was 6, but now I can't get my body to move that way. **And so thy five to the otter Kanas City. **Otter Kanas City- where otters rule supreme. **Along the the way they had to sudden stop fro something was certified wrong. **You ran out of gas. **In the midle of the rode was a demon breast **Really? Just a random pair of breasts floating above the road? Why didn't you take a picture? **like no otter! It was a wearwolve, **Great. First Bella, now Jacob. **and its fangs were out to get us **Third or first person? Nobody knows. **ggod Christian men! I quick got out of bar to get the wolve from attacking my virgin fiends!** Ebony's not a virgin. She skinned an onion with Draco, then he put his noodles in her bowl and they planted trees. Remember?**

**Best. Sex scene. Ever.**

"Begong!" I yeld but the wolf not listen. **No shit. It's a wolf. **He caged at me at the sped of kite. It was fast, weary dusk. Its had big teeth and larges agro **agro- prefix, meaning "soil" **eyes that luk demon processed but I new he was not a demon. It was human like any won else. I noticed the moon at full ad I understand very wall wart had happen. **I somehow doubt it. **So I wen op to the wearwolve and said a prayer: "My god bless this lovely creator you crated. Althorn he curse by the wicked Stan **Polley, the 1960's entertainment manager?**, you will give him straight like you gave me! May he be bless and do god thigs to you! Amen and amen."

An sudden the wolf turn to human and was native America. A voice said, "he can control change wolf human easy." **Yep, definitely Jacob. **And we gald.

"My name Edward Cull **What in the name of George Clooney? **an I tank yo for save me," he sed.

"You shud tank God fro he save you fro breasthood," I sed.** *too busy being mind-effed to comprehend* **

"Wat shut I dope no?" he assed me. **Edward, I don't like you very much, but it is my heartfelt suggestion that you leave this story while you still can.**

"Go hep me save Kansas Pity. **The plot has lost all meaning. **WE need hep all we need thou God is only help need to save day! He grate berry **to make milkshake **great! Amen ad amen," soke pridly to him I sed. **?**

"ten I fool you even to gave if must be! Pease aloe me to come? It ebe god! I have fun with you and you fiend! Let go!" he sed pridly aswell.** Nononono, Eddie-boy, you go back to being an immortal husband to literature's most popular Mary-Sue and sparkling in the sun. Leave now.**

And so we travel moor toward Canvas City.** Since when are we in the UK?** Suddenly a pone wrong. I sopped the van. Ebony answer. She sad it was a fiend of her, which was her driend Draco. **Tell him we're out of noodles. **He was at Alana City which was near to us. So we went there. Draco was their ware a rubber jacket **They finally committed him, huh? **and leans for he became secret agent after blowing up **Pigfarts **Hog-ward.

"I come to hep you," he sed.

"Tank you," I sed. I look at them, this is me husband. **I knew that. **They all grasped **the Portkey and went to a land far, far away from me**. They not realise I was married even if I not tell them. W sopped there fore we need to have time with my husband.

So we wait there in room. Draco came up. "Why you leave me after battle?"** Because you married Hermione, Drakey-boy.**

"I nerd to for I had duty to Michele. I pretext for him. Jerry have me mission. **I swear, Jo Belle has better grammar than this kid. **Please forgive me," I sed.

"**I refuse," he sed as he handed the commentator some veggie burritos, which the commentator desperately needs right now.**

"I will," he sed. And we went to bed (don't get anything Norton **How did you know which antivirus software I used? **from that you dirty perverts!)

"Love you," I sed.

"I Jove you to," he sed. WE kissed but not had done it. We were wait to get harried again fore we didn't actually get marry. **Then what was with the whole noodle thing? **We nerd to do it again because Hog-ward was not scared land we need holly** and phoenix feather wand** and to get marry.

[-=-]

Here you go. It's not my best, **I can tell **but I tried. **I can't tell.**  
>Thomas: Thank you, Anonymous for your help with the proofreading. <strong>I like this version better. Everything's spelled correctly. <strong>You did good work for me. Ebony will be back soon, so I don't need your help after this chapter.** Meanie-head.**  
>Jesus: Yes, his help was very good.<br>Thomas: It's a shame I wont need him after this chapter. Now I must go on to the next chapter.

Chapter Nine: Jason Travels to the Other Kansas

Jason went into the van and Ebony followed and Thelma came with them so Jason drove the Chrysler Voyager since neither Ebony nor Thelma could drive. And so the five of us went to the Kansas City, Missouri. Along the the way, we had to suddenly stop for something was certainly wrong. In the middle of the road was a demon beast like no other! It was a werewolf, and its fangs were out to get us good Christian men! I quickly got out of car to stop the wolves from attacking my virgin fiends!

"Begone!" I yelled, but the wolf not listen. He dashed at me at the speed of light. It was fast and had big teeth and large eyes that looked demon possessed, but I knew he was not a demon. It wasn't human like anyone else. I noticed the moon was full and I understood very well what had happened. So I went up to the werewolf and said a prayer: "May God bless this lovely creator you created. Although he's cursed by the wicked Satan, you will give him straight like you gave me! May he be blessed and do good things to you! Amen." Suddenly, the wolf turned back into a Native American human. "He can control his changing from wolf to human easily," God explained. We were glad for that.

"My name is Jacob Black **Hey, I was right! **and I thank you for saving me," he said.

"You should thank God, for he saved you from beasthood," I replied.

"What should I do now?" he asked me.

"Come help me save Kansas City. We need all the help we can get, though God is only help needed to save the day! He is great, very great! Amen," I boasted.

And so we travel further towards Kansas City. Suddenly a cellphone rung. I stopped the van. Ebony answered.

She said it was a friend of hers, Draco Malfoy from Hogwarts. He was at Kansas City, Kansas, which was near to us, so we went there. Draco was there wearing a leather jacket and jeans **Badass. **for he became a secret agent after blowing up Hogwarts.

"I've come to help you," he declared.

"Thank you," I replied. I look at them, "this is my husband." They all grasped. They had not realized I was married, even if I did not tell them. We stopped there for we needed to have time with my husband.

So we waited there in the** velvet** room. Draco came up. "Why did you leave me after the battle?" he asked of me.

"I had to, for I had a duty to Michele. I pretext for him. Jerry had my mission. Please forgive me," I pleaded.

"I will," he replied. And we went to bed (don't read anything into that, you dirty perverts!)

"Love you," I whispered.

"I love you, too," he whispered back. We kissed, but not had done it. We were waiting to get married again before we didn't actually get married. We needed to do it again because Hogwarts was not sacred land we need holy land to get married.

Tomas: Thanks, Anonymous for helping on proofread. You did good work for me. Ebony wil be back soon so I don't need you help after tis capture.  
>Jesus: Yes her help was very good.<br>Thomas: It is a shame I wont need her after this capture. No I must go on to the next chapter.

Chapter Nine: Jason Travels to the otter Kansas** This again?**  
>Jason went into the van and Ebony followed. Thelma came login with ten. Then, Jason drove the Chrysler Voyager since neither Ebony nor Thelma could drive. And so they drove to the other Kanas City. Along the the way they had to sudden stop. Something was wrong. In the middle of the road was a demon beast like no other! It was a werewolf, and its fangs were out to get us! I quickly got out of car to stop the the monster from attacking my friends!<br>"Be gone!" I yelled, but the wolf didn't listen. He lunged at me at the speed of light. It was fast! It had big teeth and large eyes. I new he was not a demon. It was human like any one else. I noticed the moon at full and I understood very well what had happened. So I went over to the werewolf and said a prayer: "My God, bless this lovely creature you created. Although he was cursed by the wicked Satan, you will give him strength like you gave me! May he be bless and do good thigs to you! Amen and amen."  
>Suddenly, the wolf turned back to human. A voice said, "He can control the change of a wolf to a human."<br>"My name Edward Cullen. **First it was Edward Cull, then Jacob Black, and now Edward Cullen? By Jove, make you mind up! **And I thank you for saving me," he said.  
>"You should thank God for he save you from beasthood," I replied.<br>"What should I do now?" he asked me.  
>"Go help me save Kansas City. We need help! God is only help needed to save day! He is great! very great!," pridely to him I said.<br>"Then I fool you even to gave if must be! Please let me to come? It will be good! I will have fun with you and you friends! Let go!" he sed pridely as well.  
>And so we travel closer toward Kansas City. Suddenly, another thing went wrong. I stopped the van again. Ebony answered. <strong>Cellphone ringing=apocalypse <strong>She said it was a friend of hers, which was her friend Draco. He was at Alana City which was near to us. So we went there. Draco was their wearing a leather jacket and jeans, because he became a secret agent after blowing up Hogwarts.  
>"I've come to help you," Draco said.<br>"Thank you," I said.  
>Ebony looked at us. She said, "Draco and I are married." We all gasped.<strong> Finally spelled correctly. Third time's the charm.<strong> They did not realise I was married even if I didn't not tell them. We stopped there for the night. Ebony needed time with Draco.  
>(Tomas's Beta Reader here, POV change. Ebony's POV!)<br>So we waited there in room. Draco came up. "Why did you leave me after the battle?"  
>"I needed to, because I had duty to Michael. Jerry have me mission. Please forgive me," I said.<br>"I will," he said. And we went to bed (In a non-perverted way)  
>"I Love you, Draco," I said.<br>"I love you to," he said. He leaned in to kiss me. We didn't do anything else though, because we weren't officially married. We needed to do it again because Hogwarts was not scared land.

**Thomas:** Ebony will be ack son! Nect capture wil be writen by here. Se willin to writ for me gain.  
><strong>Jesus:<strong> Can wait not! Reed it son! A med.

PS: I am sore a'bout the delay in uplouding tit **This kid needs to get laid **story. I was going to get Ebony to proofread since the other proofreader did not do a god job **Kinda hard to do a "god job" **but he did put the effect so I have uploud it.

**Finally done. Come to me, Morpheus!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Again, I apologize for the long hiatus. With the approach of warmer weather, all of my superiors seem convinced that what everyone needs is more work. Since it's the weekend, I decided to kick myself in the ass and work on this. It required a bit of contortionism, but I managed.**

**And since we've finally reached the halfway point, I would like to thank markf50, Happygirl122, Stalker, Alyx1373, VolturiQueen1993, Ailinu, Rani Mebe,** **I'mDifferent-GetOverIt,** **Drapple FTW, GothKat2SlashFan and the famous arcadiarika.**

**Thomas Brown:** Ebony Brown **You know, Tommy-boy, it's not a good idea to advertise full names on the internet. It's a bit like begging for identity theft. **is back to proofread my story so do not afraid if the last few chapters were not as good as the other ones. **Well, the first version was shite, but the second repetition was much better. **This will get better as it brings in more about Jesus and God.** Joy.**  
><em><strong>Jesus:<strong>_ Yes, it is important to talk about me and my father.** That's all we've done for the last 70 chapters.**  
><strong>Thomas Brown:<strong> Yes, and no matter what everyone says I am going keep writing this story until the day I die. **That won't be too far off. **I am doing the work of the lord converting all those nonbelievers to Christianity and I am **going to have my head shoved into a sewer by a mob of vengeful fans **succeeding.  
><em><strong>Jesus:<strong>_ You doing very well** dishonouring everything that occupies the mind**. God bless you!  
><strong>Thomas Brown:<strong> I also like to mention that my cousin Ebony will be writing the next three chapters which will make up a trilogy within this story dealing with the battle at Boston (we have decided to change city that the battle is fought in). And so we must go onto the story. Enjoy my fellow Christian Men **who have been thrown down the stairs as infants, soaked in acid, raised by a genderbent Prudy Pingleton, eaten by a very large dog, and crapped out on your welcome mat, and therefore enjoy this story. **although women are free to read this it is written for men so they the women are most likely not to get what I am saying due to their simple minds.** I was in a gifted class. Girls tended to be better at concepts. Although I have to say, men and women alike are having difficulty grasping the concept of your logic.**

**Say, weren't both your proofreaders female?**

**Chapter Ten: Piper and Jerry goes to Washington DC to Find out Who the Tractor is and Defeat them Once and for All so they would not terrorized by them ever again for as long as God allows Time to go on For**

**Short and sweet. I like it.**

Piper was waiting at the big house which had been turned into the head offices for The Prayer Warriors for Chiron who told them her to wait for her. She was waiting for an important mission **The term is quest, dahling. **for Chiron had special ideas for her and it would prove her worth since she had recently arrived at the camp and hadn't done anything inspirational yet. **When I was 13, I worked as a newspaper carrier for a few months. Did they ask me to abandon my route because I didn't do anything inspirational there? **Chiron entered the room and Piper looked up at the awesome that was her teacher, **Mr. Rogers? **and true follower in Christ and a brave solder for the Prayer Warrior cause.

"Hello my deer girl," he said all fatherly to her, since her father abandon her after her **mother was shot in a meadow by some hunters. **father discovered that she had converted Christianity (he was native American** And that matters, why? I'm surprised you actually knew this.** and believed in all that new age crap), and she listened eagerly to him although she knew God was her true father.

"Deer leader who inspires us fight the good fight battling those evil Satanists **It seems an overthrowing is due. **who try to take over our God-given country America (the greatest country that ever was the white red and blue inspires me!),** Many flags have red, white, and blue in them. Including England, Tommy-boy. And France.** what mission do you ask of me to do for you and for the good of the **Aryan **Christian race?" the girl ask politely for if she didn't she would punished by being sent to jell.** Well, Pipey-girl, so far, so clean, but keep hanging out with this crowd, and you will be shoved into a mega-bowl of jell-o for all of eternity.**

**Goshness, I'm hungry.**

"I want you to go to Washington DC to find out who the tractor is. **Ooh! Ooh! I know! John Deere. **Although Jason was meant to do this, he has other more important things to do such as defending Boston from an army of Satanists who plan to invade Boston and force them to drink tea!" **The Boston Tea Party didn't actually involve anyone drinking tea… if they did, I would imagine that it would be rather salty. **he said in a very distressed **William **Boyce.

"I will do this task and find out who the tractor is by going to Washing Dick. **Is that a really low-class gay bordello? **May I ask for help," she asked. "I cannot do this task along for I am a woman and need a man to help me."** You'll find that some things are simply best done in groups, regardless of gender. Tractor-shopping is **_**not**_** one of them. **

"Fine then," said the great Chiron, although he is not as great as Jesus who is the great thing to ever happen besides God himself but since Jesus is God he is the greatest thing to ever happen. **I sense a drinking game looming on the horizon… **"I will send somebody with you. My friend Jerry, **Why can't you pretty pretty please KILL HIM? **who has done many brave things for the Christian cause such as killing all the Greek gods, defeating Hogwarts School and killing that evil John Lennon ruler of Russia. **I can just imagine Jesus waving his arms over his head and crying out "NO! THIS WASN'T WHAT I MEANT!" **He will follow you in your quest to find out who is the Tractor!"

And so we brought a Renault Espace, a 1992 model, **You brought a 20 year old van? Not to mention, a 20 year old van that faintly resembles Igor from the Persona series? **since we couldn't find an American van but because it was European we had to make do until we could find a good old American van. **What does it matter? You'll be on a moronic mission no matter what country your van is from. **Jerry drives and Piper stayed in the back. **And not a single eff was given that day.**Grover, Leo, and Annabeth came along with us for they needed god defence. **Sounds like a good name for a teen thriller series… "The God Defence". **It took a few hours but we made it to Washing Dick **Or maybe it's a Laundromat run by a man named Richard… **although a group of Satanist were driving behind us. **Nothing like some good old-fashioned stalking… **Leo got out a machine gun and **said "Say hello to my little friend!" in an accent nobody can really replicate without sounding like someone shoved marbles in their mouths. **blew them up making a car crash, but since all the drivers were all atheists we had no symphony for them. **So you only compose symphonies for a certain group of people? Shame… if you have a talent, show it to the world! **Annabeth sharpened her sorrow **Good girl. People are dying! **for she knew an evil being was awaiting them most likely the evil Tractor who was most likely waiting in Washing Dick for them to come and streak them when they were least aware of their surrounding;** I just imagined a naked tractor with legs running around a Laundromat…** none of them had gone to Washing Dick before in their entire lives.** I went for the first time when I was eight. It was cool.**

Jerry and Annabeth got out of the van while Grover went to search for any vampires while Leo went away to park the ban** while the Titanic muttered to herself "I've been in this ocean for an entire century!"**. And so Jerry and Annabeth were walking Washing Dick.** Oh! So Washing Dick is a dog who runs a bordello and a Laundromat? Golly, I feel underaccomplished.** Soon Leo came back.

"I have parked the van in one of the churches that we have. They said it is okay to park it there," **Inside a church? **he said to Jerry.

"I know, the last time I came here I befriended the pastor there so I know him very well," said Jerry.** I thought you said you had never been here before?** "After we find out who the tractor is we will go see him and talk to him, it would be very interesting to meet him again after all these years. It's good to be back in Washing Dick."** I'm literally ROFL-ing…**

We then went to the house that had the information on whose the tractor was.** So the knowledge magically appeared in your heads? Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised… that's how you found out you had a tractor the first time.** We walked into the house and there was an old very man.** Grandpa? You're alive?** He had a long bread and striking red eyes, but he was not evil since he was born that way **I wasn't aware this was possible outside of anime. **but a good Christian man like everyone else ion that holy room (this is in a Church by the way).** The tractor is parked inside a church too? Why does everybody park their cars in institutional buildings in Washing Dick? Is it a local custom?**

"So you want to know who the tractor is?" he asked.** Psychic? Red eyes? Old? … Aro?**

"Yes we do," said Jerry all bravely in a heroic tone of voice. "Please tell us for the camp is in very much big dagger. We need to find the tractor quick!"

"I will help you, but first you must do something for me," said the old man.

"And water be that?" asked Jerry.

"I want you to deliver a package of mine to a court procession in Chicago **This is just like a Michael Bay film… complete with explosions. **surrounding the false teachings of evolution. In it has evidence that proves that evolution is false. **If countless fossils proving evolution is true didn't sway public opinion, how do you think this smidgen is? **If succeeded, we can ban evolution once and for all **Banning evolution? Then how will the fittest survive? **freeing this god-fearing nation from the grips of satanic atheism!" **I believe Darwin was a Christian at his time of death. **said the old man explaining the taste** I always have trouble explaining taste… no matter what is is, it always ends up coming out like "It's… uh… sweet? No, it's salty… a bit grainy, but… um…"** that he wanted Jerry and his friends to do.

"I will do this and would have done this even if I didn't need to know who the tractor is. We will leave now," **You're not staying for dinner? We have microwave burritos! **said Jerry. And so they returned to where the church is **Aren't they IN a church right now? **near the van and to go to Chicago. But first, most importantly, Jerry wanted to go talk to his friend at the church near the van. And then after that they would leave Washing Dick.

**Jesus:** That was very interesting capture.** What happened in it, Jesus?**  
><strong>Peter:<strong> I truly heartedly believe that you are correct. I do not understand why so many people hate this story. **Read the last 70 chapters, maybe it will give you a clue. **Where had all the good Christian men gone? **Where have all good men gone, and where are all the gods? Where's the street-wise Hercules to fight the rising odds? **Please come and spread knowledge of this great story and of Jesus Christ of Narrative!  
><strong>Thomas:<strong> What is in the package **I don't care, Michael-Bay-in-disguise! **will be revealed in capture fourteen for the next two chapture will be written by the cousin Ebony. I hope you enjoy her trilogy.** What happened to Boston?**

**I knew a kid once who loved the Boston Red Sox more than life itself.**

**I beat him at badminton. It was fun.**


	11. Chapter 11

_Author's note__/ Hey, its Ebony here._ **I am aware.**_ Thomas has asked me to write three more chapters for this fan-fiction. I'll keep the author's note short, _**No made-up dialogue with saints… seems like you're doing a good job. **_but I like say that I have read through the reviews and I will take the advice. The next three chapters will have less religious themes in it. I cannot guarantee that Thomas will tone it down, but I will do the best I can convince him._** You're sweet. Unfortunately, I still have to put you down. **

**Chapter Eleven: The Battle for Boston - Part 1**

Bombs above could be heard while airplanes flew above. **That's all well and good, but what's happening down below?** Kelvin, **Kelvin? He sounds new… permission to crush the sapling before he blooms into a mass murderer? **a member of the Prayer Warriors, quivered as he heard the awful noise. **Awful? He's not revelling in it? … I like this kid. Someone grab some cookies so I can lure him over to our side. **He waited for the phone to ring. Someone was surely going to ring him to tell him the bad news, unless they've been bombed as well. When will he be bombed? **He won't be if he just gets into a shelter. **It would be best not to think about that. All though the enemy had the upper hand, one thing that Kelvin still had was hope. While everyone else slept – resting for the battle the next day – Kelvin prayed to God.

"Please aid us in our time of need. It won't be long till the demon and their supporters get to us," he prayed desperately. "Even if it's one more day on this earth, we need your help no matter how you do it. Just please help us; that is all I ask."

"You're still at it with that praying nonsense," a voice said behind him. "Shouldn't you realize that God is dead now? He won't be coming to anyone's rescue anymore." It was Dexter – Kelvin's leading officer.

"You are a Prayer Warrior, right?"

"Yes, but…"

"You swore an oath. We cannot give up," Kelvin concluded. Dexter nodded his head. "We cannot go about talking like that; it would discourage the rest of the guys."

"I just…" the commander paused, "...don't think I can go on believing in God."

"You have to, it's the only way we can win," answered Kelvin.

**Did… we just have dialogue with substance?**

**Everything I know is a lie.**

"Suppose you are right," Dexter said. He paused for a moment as if he was in a moment of deep thought. He then spoke – very calmly and direct – to Kelvin. "I want you to do something. One of our spies has gone missing. I fear that one of the demon supporters might have gotten to him. **Finally, something I can make fun of! **While it is still night – so that they enemy cannot detect you - go and see if you can find our spy. He means a lot to me…"** If Tommy-boy were here, he'd tell us not to get naughty ideas… and I'm totally not.**

"Why is that?" asked Kelvin. He regretted doing that; the captain could very well punish him for asking questions like that. **TOTALLY not getting ideas… **Luckily enough, Dexter answered his question. Kelvin was relieved.

"He is my son."** Told you. No ideas.**

"I can see how it would feel to lose someone – I to have lost a brother to this war. **Aw… someone give Kelly-boy a hug! **I will help you, I promise."

**Wait, "Kelly-boy"? That won't work… from now on, he shall be dubbed Vinny-boy.**

As he was speaking the phone rang. Both Kelvin and Dexter stared at the phone as if they were in a deep trance. **It ain't gonna answer itself. **Quickly Dexter shook his head – leaving the trance – and answered the phone. As he spoke, Kelvin also left the trance. It must have been the enemy performing evil magic on them – **So every time you think deeply, it means somebody is casting dark magic on you? What a world… **they were slow to react but luckily they were able to leave the trance in time.** In time to do what? Pick up a phone?** Dexter hung up the phone – silence ensured. However, Kelvin ended that silence – he wanted to know who had rung and most importantly: why?

"Who was it?"

"It was help?" the commander said. "While you go and find my son I will meet up with some fellow Prayer Warriors – God has answered our call."** God… PHONED you?**

Not before long, Kelvin was walking through the streets of Boston – **It is my humble opinion that when bombs are falling on your city, it is best to stay underground. **everything looked so empty. **This reminds me of a Doctor Who episode! **He looked around at the ruined buildings – the city that he was brought up in had been destroyed. **Poor Vinny-boy… WHERE ARE THOSE COOKIES? **And like two hundred and fifty or so years ago, **Is Vinny-boy immortal? Is that what's going on? **he will help in freeing America again from powers of evil. Gun shots were heard – Kelvin quickly ducked for cover. Hiding behind a car, he could hear a voice yelling.

"Get away, you demon support!" he yelled.

"I'm not a demon supporter. I am a Prayer Warrior," Kelvin quickly said before anymore gun shots were shot – he didn't want the enemy to hear them and discover their position. **Down low, too slow, dahling.**

"And how do I know you're telling the truth?" the other person said.

"And how do I know you're not a demon supporter as well?"

"We don't" the other person replied. "I think the only option we need is a leap of faith. We will both jump out in the count of 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Go!"

Kelvin foolishly jumped out and was welcome by gun shots. **Clever plan. I would like to hire this sniper. **Quickly he dodged them and returned back to the cover of the car.

"You lied!" Kelvin shouted. "You're one of them – those demon supporters."** You don't **_**say**_**?**

"How did you guess?" the supported sneered. Kelvin wanted to punch this arsehole in the face but he knew he had to play his cards right.

"Well," Kelvin paused to think of what to say next, "I was lying as well. I am also a demon supporter. Come out and we can greet each other like good old friends."

"Okay," said the supporter.** You know, supporter, if you say "gullible" slowly it sounds like "oranges".**

So both of them – Kelvin and the support - came out of hiding; and although the supporter was tried to fire, Kelvin was quicker, shooting the supporter before he could shot back. **Tsk, tsk, Kelvin… **Kelvin quickly left before anyone else came – investigating what the gun shot was all about.** Just pretend it was like this when you came. **

**You know, if Tommy-boy were writing this, the supporter would probably turn out to be a mermaid or something.**

He soon came to a boy who looked about fifteen - a few years younger than Kelvin. This was obviously Dexter's son – he looked very similar to the commander.** They let a fifteen year old kid in the army? A highschool freshman? My, my, Ebby-girl, you have a sick sense of humour.**

"Hey," Kelvin said, showing his Prayer Warrior ID card **They get ID cards? Why didn't my middle-school band give out ID cards? We were just as important as this Prayer Warriors clubhouse! Except people actually liked us... ish. **to prove that he wasn't lying, "you father has sent be to rescue you."

"Thanks," the boy said. "I don't think I would've survived any longer out here."

They quickly got back to base were they could rest up for the next assignment. As they entered the main room, Kelvin noticed that there was a group of people there.

"Hello," said Dexter. "I want you guys to meet some people. **Are they Girl Scouts? We need some cookies. **These guys are Jason, Thelia and Draco. **Draco? I have lost all understanding of the plot… can anybody give me a brief summary? **They have come to help us in saving Boston from the demons."

_Author's note/ I hope that was better. Please tell; I would like to know._

**Well, Ebony, it was legible, and the main character was halfway likable, so I suppose it is better!**

**See you next time for some fabulous… fabulousness with fabulousso on top with a side of fabulouser and a complimentary drink of fabulousino.**

**The word "fabulous" has lost all meaning.**


	12. Chapter 12

_Author's note/ hey it's Ebony again. _**I know. The strange little man who lives inside my laptop told me. **_Dunno it anyone's still reading any of it – _**Aw, poor Ebony… don't worry, Stalker and GothKat2SlashFan like you! **_I hope you are since its actually starting to get good again (please, Thomas don't take offence to that but the last few chapters have been a tad bit anti-climactic)_** Were they? I didn't really understand what was going on.**_ – but anyway; here's the next part in my contribution to this Fick. _**Fick? Who's Fick? Is he related to Washing Dick?**

**Chapter Twelve: The Battle for Boston - Part 2**

Jason carefully park the van outside a shopping mall **May I join? I simply must catch up on my window shopping. **just outside of the city – the rest of the city looked like a mess so it'd be difficult to drive the van through all the rubble. **Where's the tractor when you need it? **Boston looked like it had a million bomb dropped onto it (most likely true) like an old World War 2 movie. **Random fact- less than one percent of the amount of money spent on warfare yearly was needed to put every child in school by the year 2005. Priorities, huh? **Jason, Thelia and Draco decided to go on ahead, while Ebony decided to stay behind to guard the van _(AN/ and also because it would be a bit awkward writing about her; I don't want her to turn into a Mary Sue)._** I appreciate the notion, Ebby-girl, really and truly I do, but why would someone need to guard an empty van in the middle of an abandoned city?**

"I remember coming up here before my father rejected me. He was filming a movie up here. **I can just imagine Zeus on the red carpet… **It was such a beautiful city; one of America's greatest masterpiece, maybe even better than Washington DC I dare say. It's a shame its gone all downhill," Thelia said depressingly.** Y U make everyone sad, Thalia?**

"I wish I could have seen it in its prime," Jason commented.

"I agree with Jason," Draco added in, "since I'm British, I've never been here either. **Are you suggesting that the British can't sightsee? **I wished I came here sooner." _(AN/ I know this character is out of character but there's nothing I can do about that so you can't complain)._** Actually, there is, Ebby-girl. It's called "finding someone with above-mediocre intellect".**

"Well, we can complain as much as we want but it won't get us anywhere. **You should have said that to me 72 chapters ago. **Let's go and see if we can help out in the war effort," Thelia decided to get the group on task.** I am forcibly reminded of my eighth grade homeroom teacher.**

It took them about an hour to get to the base. They had rung them **Rung them? Are we using British terms now? **before hand to notify that they're coming and the commander came to meet them on the way there. Once the commander – whose name was **Commander Up. No questions asked. **Dexter – they walked toward the base talking about the situation at hand. **Once the commander what? Sentence flow, dahling.** According to Dexter the demons started to appear a month ago. While only a few Bostonians supported these demons, a small group of radicals created an alliance with the demons and used their powers to suppress the rest of the Bostonians. When the tried to fight back, the supporters declared war on those that didn't support their evil agendas and bombed the hell out of them. **I see Ebony is a bit more free with her speech. **Now the remaining Bostonians were fighting back.

"We will do as much as we can do," Thelia reassured the commander.** I ate a Reese's peanut butter cup. I'm still hungry.**

"I am truly relieved and graceful; you help is welcome," replied Dexter. **Isn't Dexter that bleeding guy in some TV show? **He seemed very thankful which made the group pleased.

"So," Jason said meditatively, "what do you want us to do?"

"**I want you to buy me one of those giant chocolate Easter Bunnies that are hollow on the inside and then STFU."**

"I was thinking about getting you guys to spy on the enemy. I'm totally **"Totally"? High school never ends. **sure that they're planning something; I just don't know what.** This plotline seems mighty familiar… it smells a bit… Battle With the Witches-y…** Please help me - it would mean a lot to me."

"We will do what we can," Thelia reassured him. Dexter nodded to say thanks.** Dexy-boy isn't very verbose, is he?**

**I'm going to call him Sexy Dexy from now on.**

They soon got the base where Dexter introduced the group to Kelvin and his son. **Draco, embrace Vinny-boy. I order you. **Draco stayed behind to help guard the base, but Thelia and Jason went ahead to spy on the enemy with Kelvin tagging on behind. _(AN/ Why does Word keep auto-correcting Thelia to Thelma?)_** Maybe because her name is Thalia? **

They soon came to the enemy base where they could see one of the demons talking to an audience of their supporters. Thelia, Jason and Kelvin were hiding at the top of a building so that the enemy couldn't see them. They listened while the demon spoke, speaking in a really punitive and harsh voice.** Always good to keep your underdogs in order. Sexy Dexy would agree.**

"We strike tonight – while they won't expect – and we give them a whipping they'll never forget. **Marik's father is in da house. **We are the boss now and nothing will change that," spoke the demon. Suddenly the demon started to speak of very a strange thing. "As we know we must keep all eyes around us – they could be near us and all will be lost – and danger is near and wide. **He's climbin' in yo windows, he's snatchin' yo people up… **But if I was the wisest, I would give myself up now; surrender to the powers that be – that's me – and discover the truth about your meaningless existence."

**Hey, boys and girls! It's Shadow Teddie's Existential Kid's Korner! The day of the world is: _futile_! As in, your futile existence has no meaning!**

Although this didn't mean anything to Thelia and Kelvin – or the audience listening – but it meant a lot to Jason; the demon was speaking to him. **Is the demon a fokin sykic? **He went on this quest to begin with to discover who he really was, nothing had been answered. He was still a mystery to himself. **In the end, it's gonna turn out he's actually a shadow being. **Although the Prayer Warriors had treated him well, he still wanted to know his true identity. If he betrayed his new friends he could gain his identity again. **You're Jason Grace. Your father is Jupiter. Your mother is a famous actress. Your sister is Thalia. You are a counsellor in Camp Jupiter. You are _not_ a misled Christian. Come home, Jasey-boy, come home! **But he decided to wait until he got back to base to make his decision.

As Thelia told the captain about the speech made by the demon, Jason stood there in a blur; **Really? He just suddenly got blurry? **pondering about the decision. After Thelia told Dexter about what the demon said, Jason had some free time to speak to Thelia.

"There's some stuff I need to do," he told her. "I'm planning to go back to the enemy."

"Let's go," she said eagerly.

"I will be going alone – it would be too dangerous for you," Jason lied. **REJECTED **He knew Thelia could handle herself in a battle, but he didn't want to betray her in front of her face – he would be able to look at here. Luckily Thelia agreed to the lie.

"Okay, I will stay here – but be carefully," she said. "But before you go, I need to tell you something…"

"Leave till I come back," Jason said quickly, and then leaving as fast he could. Kelvin, curiously, wander not the far behind, but Jason was unaware that some was following him. Unaware, he was walking right into grave danger…** That reminds me… Grover hasn't died in a while…**

_TO BE CONTINUED… _**Darnation.**

_AN/ I hope that was good? Dunno until people review it I suppose._

**I had a dream that I was hanging out with the Powerpuff Girls last night.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Tomas:** Hanky Anonymous for help on proofread. **This chapter has the most words and I haven't even started commentating yet. This is gonna be a long night. **You did good work for me. Ebony wil be bach son **Ebony is Bach's son? **so I don't ned you help after tis capture.** Yes, begone, proofreader!**  
><strong>Jesus:<strong> Yes his hep was weary god.** Indeed, his helpfulness was equivalent to that of a weary god.**  
><strong>Thomas:<strong> It a shame I wont ned him afar this capture. No I mush go on too the nectar capture.** If you need a break, go look up the lyrics to Justin Bieber's song "Boyfriend". It's a barrel of laughs. **

**Capture Nina: Jason Travels to the otter Kansas**

**NINA!**

**Attempting to write one-handed while leaning on desk. Not working.**

Jason went into the fan and Ebony follow. **The shit has hit the fan. **Thelma cam login with ten. **Where is this proofreader you speak of? **Ad so Joso **the Clown **drove the Chrysler Voyager since enither Ebony nor Thelmas could dive. **I can't dive either. I think they taught me how to when I first learned to swim when I was 6, but now I can't get my body to move that way. **And so thy five to the otter Kanas City. **Otter Kanas City- where otters rule supreme. **Along the the way they had to sudden stop fro something was certified wrong. **You ran out of gas. **In the midle of the rode was a demon breast **Really? Just a random pair of breasts floating above the road? Why didn't you take a picture? **like no otter! It was a wearwolve, **Great. First Bella, now Jacob. **and its fangs were out to get us **Third or first person? Nobody knows. **ggod Christian men! I quick got out of bar to get the wolve from attacking my virgin fiends!** Ebony's not a virgin. She skinned an onion with Draco, then he put his noodles in her bowl and they planted trees. Remember?**

**Best. Sex scene. Ever.**

"Begong!" I yeld but the wolf not listen. **No shit. It's a wolf. **He caged at me at the sped of kite. It was fast, weary dusk. Its had big teeth and larges agro **agro- prefix, meaning "soil" **eyes that luk demon processed but I new he was not a demon. It was human like any won else. I noticed the moon at full ad I understand very wall wart had happen. **I somehow doubt it. **So I wen op to the wearwolve and said a prayer: "My god bless this lovely creator you crated. Althorn he curse by the wicked Stan **Polley, the 1960's entertainment manager?**, you will give him straight like you gave me! May he be bless and do god thigs to you! Amen and amen."

An sudden the wolf turn to human and was native America. A voice said, "he can control change wolf human easy." **Yep, definitely Jacob. **And we gald.

"My name Edward Cull **What in the name of George Clooney? **an I tank yo for save me," he sed.

"You shud tank God fro he save you fro breasthood," I sed.** *too busy being mind-effed to comprehend* **

"Wat shut I dope no?" he assed me. **Edward, I don't like you very much, but it is my heartfelt suggestion that you leave this story while you still can.**

"Go hep me save Kansas Pity. **The plot has lost all meaning. **WE need hep all we need thou God is only help need to save day! He grate berry **to make milkshake **great! Amen ad amen," soke pridly to him I sed. **?**

"ten I fool you even to gave if must be! Pease aloe me to come? It ebe god! I have fun with you and you fiend! Let go!" he sed pridly aswell.** Nononono, Eddie-boy, you go back to being an immortal husband to literature's most popular Mary-Sue and sparkling in the sun. Leave now.**

And so we travel moor toward Canvas City.** Since when are we in the UK?** Suddenly a pone wrong. I sopped the van. Ebony answer. She sad it was a fiend of her, which was her driend Draco. **Tell him we're out of noodles. **He was at Alana City which was near to us. So we went there. Draco was their ware a rubber jacket **They finally committed him, huh? **and leans for he became secret agent after blowing up **Pigfarts **Hog-ward.

"I come to hep you," he sed.

"Tank you," I sed. I look at them, this is me husband. **I knew that. **They all grasped **the Portkey and went to a land far, far away from me**. They not realise I was married even if I not tell them. W sopped there fore we need to have time with my husband.

So we wait there in room. Draco came up. "Why you leave me after battle?"** Because you married Hermione, Drakey-boy.**

"I nerd to for I had duty to Michele. I pretext for him. Jerry have me mission. **I swear, Jo Belle has better grammar than this kid. **Please forgive me," I sed.

"**I refuse," he sed as he handed the commentator some veggie burritos, which the commentator desperately needs right now.**

"I will," he sed. And we went to bed (don't get anything Norton **How did you know which antivirus software I used? **from that you dirty perverts!)

"Love you," I sed.

"I Jove you to," he sed. WE kissed but not had done it. We were wait to get harried again fore we didn't actually get marry. **Then what was with the whole noodle thing? **We nerd to do it again because Hog-ward was not scared land we need holly** and phoenix feather wand** and to get marry.

[-=-]

Here you go. It's not my best, **I can tell **but I tried. **I can't tell.**  
>Thomas: Thank you, Anonymous for your help with the proofreading. <strong>I like this version better. Everything's spelled correctly. <strong>You did good work for me. Ebony will be back soon, so I don't need your help after this chapter.** Meanie-head.**  
>Jesus: Yes, his help was very good.<br>Thomas: It's a shame I wont need him after this chapter. Now I must go on to the next chapter.

Chapter Nine: Jason Travels to the Other Kansas

Jason went into the van and Ebony followed and Thelma came with them so Jason drove the Chrysler Voyager since neither Ebony nor Thelma could drive. And so the five of us went to the Kansas City, Missouri. Along the the way, we had to suddenly stop for something was certainly wrong. In the middle of the road was a demon beast like no other! It was a werewolf, and its fangs were out to get us good Christian men! I quickly got out of car to stop the wolves from attacking my virgin fiends!

"Begone!" I yelled, but the wolf not listen. He dashed at me at the speed of light. It was fast and had big teeth and large eyes that looked demon possessed, but I knew he was not a demon. It wasn't human like anyone else. I noticed the moon was full and I understood very well what had happened. So I went up to the werewolf and said a prayer: "May God bless this lovely creator you created. Although he's cursed by the wicked Satan, you will give him straight like you gave me! May he be blessed and do good things to you! Amen." Suddenly, the wolf turned back into a Native American human. "He can control his changing from wolf to human easily," God explained. We were glad for that.

"My name is Jacob Black **Hey, I was right! **and I thank you for saving me," he said.

"You should thank God, for he saved you from beasthood," I replied.

"What should I do now?" he asked me.

"Come help me save Kansas City. We need all the help we can get, though God is only help needed to save the day! He is great, very great! Amen," I boasted.

And so we travel further towards Kansas City. Suddenly a cellphone rung. I stopped the van. Ebony answered.

She said it was a friend of hers, Draco Malfoy from Hogwarts. He was at Kansas City, Kansas, which was near to us, so we went there. Draco was there wearing a leather jacket and jeans **Badass. **for he became a secret agent after blowing up Hogwarts.

"I've come to help you," he declared.

"Thank you," I replied. I look at them, "this is my husband." They all grasped. They had not realized I was married, even if I did not tell them. We stopped there for we needed to have time with my husband.

So we waited there in the** velvet** room. Draco came up. "Why did you leave me after the battle?" he asked of me.

"I had to, for I had a duty to Michele. I pretext for him. Jerry had my mission. Please forgive me," I pleaded.

"I will," he replied. And we went to bed (don't read anything into that, you dirty perverts!)

"Love you," I whispered.

"I love you, too," he whispered back. We kissed, but not had done it. We were waiting to get married again before we didn't actually get married. We needed to do it again because Hogwarts was not sacred land we need holy land to get married.

Tomas: Thanks, Anonymous for helping on proofread. You did good work for me. Ebony wil be back soon so I don't need you help after tis capture.  
>Jesus: Yes her help was very good.<br>Thomas: It is a shame I wont need her after this capture. No I must go on to the next chapter.

Chapter Nine: Jason Travels to the otter Kansas** This again?**  
>Jason went into the van and Ebony followed. Thelma came login with ten. Then, Jason drove the Chrysler Voyager since neither Ebony nor Thelma could drive. And so they drove to the other Kanas City. Along the the way they had to sudden stop. Something was wrong. In the middle of the road was a demon beast like no other! It was a werewolf, and its fangs were out to get us! I quickly got out of car to stop the the monster from attacking my friends!<br>"Be gone!" I yelled, but the wolf didn't listen. He lunged at me at the speed of light. It was fast! It had big teeth and large eyes. I new he was not a demon. It was human like any one else. I noticed the moon at full and I understood very well what had happened. So I went over to the werewolf and said a prayer: "My God, bless this lovely creature you created. Although he was cursed by the wicked Satan, you will give him strength like you gave me! May he be bless and do good thigs to you! Amen and amen."  
>Suddenly, the wolf turned back to human. A voice said, "He can control the change of a wolf to a human."<br>"My name Edward Cullen. **First it was Edward Cull, then Jacob Black, and now Edward Cullen? By Jove, make you mind up! **And I thank you for saving me," he said.  
>"You should thank God for he save you from beasthood," I replied.<br>"What should I do now?" he asked me.  
>"Go help me save Kansas City. We need help! God is only help needed to save day! He is great! very great!," pridely to him I said.<br>"Then I fool you even to gave if must be! Please let me to come? It will be good! I will have fun with you and you friends! Let go!" he sed pridely as well.  
>And so we travel closer toward Kansas City. Suddenly, another thing went wrong. I stopped the van again. Ebony answered. <strong>Cellphone ringing=apocalypse <strong>She said it was a friend of hers, which was her friend Draco. He was at Alana City which was near to us. So we went there. Draco was their wearing a leather jacket and jeans, because he became a secret agent after blowing up Hogwarts.  
>"I've come to help you," Draco said.<br>"Thank you," I said.  
>Ebony looked at us. She said, "Draco and I are married." We all gasped.<strong> Finally spelled correctly. Third time's the charm.<strong> They did not realise I was married even if I didn't not tell them. We stopped there for the night. Ebony needed time with Draco.  
>(Tomas's Beta Reader here, POV change. Ebony's POV!)<br>So we waited there in room. Draco came up. "Why did you leave me after the battle?"  
>"I needed to, because I had duty to Michael. Jerry have me mission. Please forgive me," I said.<br>"I will," he said. And we went to bed (In a non-perverted way)  
>"I Love you, Draco," I said.<br>"I love you to," he said. He leaned in to kiss me. We didn't do anything else though, because we weren't officially married. We needed to do it again because Hogwarts was not scared land.

**Thomas:** Ebony will be ack son! Nect capture wil be writen by here. Se willin to writ for me gain.  
><strong>Jesus:<strong> Can wait not! Reed it son! A med.

PS: I am sore a'bout the delay in uplouding tit **This kid needs to get laid **story. I was going to get Ebony to proofread since the other proofreader did not do a god job **Kinda hard to do a "god job" **but he did put the effect so I have uploud it.

**Finally done. Come to me, Morpheus!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thomas Browm:** I am back. **And that's why the suicide rate has increased. **Ebony stuff was good **Indeed. It possessed that illusive trait that common folk refer to as a "plot". **but this will be so insuring that people will fork **I never had you pegged for a Twilight fan, Tommy-boy… but I guess it explains everything. **to go read this grate strong.  
><strong>Jesus Christ:<strong> Yes, I am glad that you have returned. You will truly bring back this story into shape.** If plot points were particles, you'd have a gas on your hands. Geddit, 'cause in a gas, particles are far apart and have very little attraction to each other… you know what, never mind.**  
><strong>Thomas Brown:<strong> Yes, and I must achieve the greatest reward by bringing this story back into a readable form **Ah, so you intend to quit? **that is honorable to our lord Jesus Christ and his eternal father up in Heaven.  
><strong>Jesus Christ:<strong> You are wise.** For an alien dick.**  
><strong>Thomas Brown:<strong> I know I am. **Hubris will be your downfall, dahling. That is, if I don't get to you first. **Thanks and amen.

**Chapter Forteen: Evolution is disproven once and for all and therefore gets banned forever until the time of the Book of Relation of Saint John while living on Patmos**

**What?**

Edward Cullum, **I know not of what you speak **Piper, Jeremy (who has decided to go by his fool name) **Why is it foolish? Jeremy is a very nice name… **and Grover **FINALLY! It's about time he regenerated. Now, to plan his next funeral… I have some brilliant ideas for catering... **were at a hotel in Chicago as they had come there that day. They had just read the Bible **Surprise, surprise. **and had gone to bed. Jeremy **Wait, does that mean I have to change my fic title to "When Jeremy Met Ebony"? It doesn't have quite the same ring to it. **still had the package **I completely forgot about that package… starting a plot point and not coming back to it for four chapters? There is something distinctly… Michael Bay-ish about this… **and still decided not to open and not until the court case. But he wanting to know what it is and this made him not sleep. **It's cocaine. **Piper came up to four see too was not sleeping.

"You are still awake? Have you not decided to take Melatonin it can make you sleep very well and not worry about something? **Melatonin will make you a tad worried. It's a depressant. **Yom should take it? It is at your local drugstore," **Product placement! **she told Jeremy with as much wisdom a woman could contain as men are much more intelligent.** Indeed? Tell me, O Wise One, what's the difference between melatonin and dopamine? How do they travel through the body?**

"Have you heard about the black out of that liberal biased Wikipedia? They are protesting against that really good law be passed through congress called the Stop Online Piracy Act and the Protect IP Act which I think is a very good law," said Jeremy.** Ladies and gentlemen, the only person in the world who thought SOPA was a good idea!**

"I do agree with you, these laws are needed to protect the world from piracy. Steeling things against God's holy laws and for groups such as Goggle **What's the bet Google is his homepage? **and Wikipedia means that they are sinning against our Christian heritage.** I can just imagine Moses carving into the stone tablet "Thou shalt not Google".** THESE BILLS MUST GO THROUGH!" said Piper.

"Yes, I do agree with you totally. And I don't even use Wikipedia since it's really bias. I prefer the more cruciate Conservapedia which you should use since it is a conservative site," said Jeremy.** Because Conservapedia TOTALLY isn't written the same way Wikipedia is.**

"Are you ready for today?" said Ebony.

"Yes I am. Let us go," replied Jeremy. So the group went to the curt**is Paradis Show. Because nerds are cool.** with Jeremy holding a package. They walked into the court room and waited and listen to them arguing over evolution.

"We believe that Christianity should be banned and Atheist become the set religion** Oh dearie dear…** in the United States and America and worshipped Evolution as the truth. We have a lot of proof that evolution is true," said an atheist. He presented his view and tried to back up his claimed but no one in the room were convinced. He was pretty much making stuff up **Fossils, baby. **and there was no evidence at all. Everyone alighted at him and booed.** Tough crowd.**

Jeremy came up all bravely and presented the package. The judge opened the package and inside was the HOLY BIBLE, **ANOTHER ONE? **the true words of God, and everyone was amazed.** I'd imagine. "Oh, my, it's another copy of the only book we read!"** "This is the only evidence I need **This is honestly your evidence? **and you will find it is fitting. God is my witness and tells me that Evolution is false and teaching tit **Teehee. **should be banned and punishable by death, for teaching things against God's holy laws is a sin! Much like those pirates **Arr, matie! Isn't Hugh Grant in that new Pirates movie coming out? **and those homosexuals** Hugh Grant in the 1987 movie "Maurice"** that we must cleanse this holy country from," I said.

Everyone was so amazed ad agree with my comment that it was made law that Evolution was illegal to death. **Our species is no longer allowed to evolve? Now the aliens will wipe us out for sure!** And anyone caught teaching it would be brought to teach. **That's a bit contradictory. **Amen and amen!

**Thomas:** That was truly.  
><strong>Jesus:<strong> I agree with tow.  
><strong>Thomas:<strong> Now I mush go.

**Was that an entire chapter bashing Wikipedia?**


	15. Chapter 15

**Scarborough Fair by Simon and Garfunkel would work nicely as the song of the chapter.**

Thomas Brown: I have returned. **Was there a blessed time where you were away?**  
>Jesus Christ: Yes you have. <strong>Thank you, captain obvious.<strong>  
>Thomas Brown: And I will teach everyone why turning your back on God is such a bad thing and what punishment you will get for committing such an evil sinful deed. <strong>Let me guess… humiliating death. You steal, you die. You lie, you die. You sneeze into non-American tissue brands, YOU DIE.<br>**Jesus Christ: This will truly get people to flock towards me as my herd of sheep who will follow me like they should do for everyone must worship me for I am God. **I miss commas… I haven't seen them in a while.  
><strong>Thomas Brown: I do agree totally.

**Chapter Fifteen: The Demons of Boston are Defeated and Jason's Group get told some Bad Brews**

**Ah, the subtle beauty of cheap beer…**

After we returned back to the Church which was the vase **Bit of a large vase, is it not? What kind of flowers are you putting in it? **we declared that the demons must fall for if they don't Boston will be enslaved forever in satanic fifth (if you don't agree with me you will burn in hell!) **How about calla lilies? They're my cousin's favourite flower, apparently. Personally, I'm a tulip fan… there are so many pretty colours. **and be subjected to atheistic customs. We planned our attack and then decided to strike as soon as possible.

**On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me FIVE GOLDEN RINGS.**

As we came to the enemy's mansion where hey were hiding **I would love to hide in a mansion. You could send your captors on a wild goose chase and somehow lock them in the cellar with all the fancy cheese. **we prayed to Jesus and to his eternal father God and they answered our prayer by making the Holy Spirit enters us. And then maturates fall **Translation- Jerry's balls finally dropped. **to the earth and staked the mansion killing everyone inside.** Even the fancy cheese? The fancy gentlemen mice will be disappointed.** We then entered it and killed anyone that survived. **Did you know mice are actually lactose-intolerant? **We came across the demon that was leading him and Jason stepped forward.

"Begonia **Begonias? Is that the flower you want to put in your holy Church vase? **from this holy word witch was created by the grate Jesus Christ and his forkful** I like forks. They pick up my food.** holy eternal father Yahweh **If you say it out loud with a Southern accent, it sounds like "Yaoi" **in other words GOD! **Did he mean Jehovah? Wow… somebody failed spelling. **We prayed that he would be defeated and he was sickened** by the fancy cheese**. You will suffer for your evil deeds," said Jason bravely and the demon died.** This is the grand conclusion to the Boston arc?**

Thelia looked amazed at his brave deeds. "You are truly wonderful Jason. I only realized it now that I love you. **Please mean platonically. **Let us go out and be boyfriend and girlfriends **OH, GOD NO! **but not have sex until we are married for at the moment will are still too young. **If you weren't BROTHER AND SISTER, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. Jerry got his wife pregnant when they were fifteen. **We must wait but we can date in a Christian manner," **With what, chaperones? **she said.

"I do agree," said Percy. **Um, Percy? How is this any of your business? **And they kissed **ON THE CHEEK, because that's the only place it is acceptable to kiss your full-blood sibling. **in a Christian manger. **Where did the manger come from? **"I do love you," Jason told her.

"I love you too," she said. "Martyr Jesus approve of our relationships."** I wasn't aware he was pro-incest.**

"I do believe he will agree with this for we are both Christians. If an atheist date an atheist it is bad, but what worse is when an atheist dates a good Christian man or girl it is worse. If they are the same sex if it tae to the extreme and will be punishment by God," said Jason.** I wonder if innocent passerby find it odd that these people keep rambling about something barely related to what the conversation is about…**

Soon came Edward Black **The forties film producer? **who looked like he was in sushi **A man rolled up into a sushi… now that sounds deee-licious. **distress. He was about to change into a warehouse** Will the warehouse stock yam tempura sushi? I tried it once at this random place and I loved it, but now I can't find it anywhere else. Mango sushi is pretty good, too…** but he calmed down. He then spoke to us in a very Christian manner.** I am now officially starving in a very Christian manner. Why, oh why did you have to mention sushi, Tommy-boy?**

"I have came to you to allay you to a important message. As you were away I, Jeremy, Piper, Grover, and Clarisse **When did Clarisse get here? **have gone on a mission to find the tractor. **Wait, I'm confused, didn't you kill the tractor already? **I have come to altar you **No thank you just the same. **that my companions have been kidnapped by the evil Roman gods who have taken them californai," said the warehouse.** Now, California roll sushi is pretty popular, I see it everywhere. I don't understand why, though… what's so great about crab?**

"Then we must go at once," said Ebony. We must stop them.** Did Ebony think that, or did Tommy-boy forget his quotation marks? Tsk tsk.**

"I acre," **Tell him to buy me an acre of land… Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme…** said Jason. "Let us leapt at once! **Are you the TARDIS? If not, you have no excuse to confuse tenses. **We will show those Satanist scum what happens when you mess with the goodness that is the Prayer Warriors."** You don't get sushi?**

"You words are wise," said Thelia.

"Then let us go," said Jason. And they went off to the location of their kidnapped fiends by driving the escape.** Driving the escape… is that possible?** I took them a week** Only a week? Impressive.** to get across the United Sites for it was a massage country. **You stopped for massages and still got to California in a week? VERY impressive. **But they got there and we will leave with them standing on top of a hill overlooking their camp which was called Camp Half-Roman even through they are not really Romans.** What is this camp of which you speak? It was certainly never mentioned in the books.**

_To be continued tomorrow!_

**Dun dun DUN!**

**If you can't send me any yam tempura sushi, at least send me reviews. **


End file.
